Tag: aging parents

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UNPAID CAREGIVERS ARE UNSUNG HEROES

During this pandemic, city parks have provided much needed relief from enforced isolation.  Every shelter is occupied on holidays and weekends, and the roads are heavy with traffic slowly navigating around joggers and walkers.  Also, we’re suddenly seeing more caregivers of disabled children or aging parents.  Did you know that approximately 43.5 million caregivers have provided unpaid care to an adult or child in the last 12 months? Unless you are a caregiver, you may not realize what a difficult task these people are performing.  Unpaid caregivers are unsung heroes.

Unpaid caregivers are unsung heroes. It takes patience and empathy to care for a handicapped child.
Unpaid caregivers are unsung heroes. Where do they get their strength? Perhaps it’s the power of love.

There are varying degrees of caregiving, but all of them require patience and empathy.  Aging parents may require just a bit of help with shopping and household tasks.  But a sick or disabled child or spouse often requires full time commitment.  Lately, at the park,  I’ve seen many more children in wheelchairs  with missing limbs or other handicaps. .  My heart goes out to the parents who so lovingly devote their lives to the care of their children.   Where do caregivers get their strength?  I guess it’s the power of love.

Caregiving can be a lonely business, leading to caregiver burnout.   Often, it falls on one person in a family.  Other relatives and friends go about their lives without much regard for the day to day efforts required to take care of a disabled or handicapped person.  When you’re the only one who can shop, cook, clean and run errands while taking care of a person’s needs, you often feel worn out and forgotten.  What’s worse is seeing a loved one through episodes of pain or suffering with no one around to  comfort them but you.

Unfortunately, caregiving is  highly stressful and hazardous to the health. Thirty percent of caregivers die before the people they care for do. A 2003 study of caregivers by a research team at Ohio State University discovered a significant deterioration in the health of caregivers when compared to a similar group of non-caregivers. Even more disturbing is the fact that caregivers had a 63 percent higher death rate than the control group. Before the end of the 6-year study, 70 percent of the caregivers died and had to be replaced.

What can we do to help  caregivers?  If they’re strangers we encounter in public places, perhaps all we  can do is open a door, or give a smile of encouragement.  It get’s a little more complicated if they are family or friends.  The last thing a caregiver wants  is advice or  implied criticism.  What they really need is  your emotional support and appreciation.  A phone call or visit means a lot. Just let them know they’re not alone in all of this.

Unpaid caregivers are unsung heroes.

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7 SIGNS YOUR KIDS ARE CHECKING ON YOU

We all agree that responsible parents nose around their children’s bedroom to find out what they might be doing wrong.   Eventually, they leave our house, get married, move away, start their own families, and we basically stop worrying about them.  But suddenly, when you turn eighty,  you see  signs that your children are checking on you.

Most parents of teenagers  will admit to inspecting  their room for  pot, cigarettes   condoms ,  pregnancy tests , alcohol, or  God-forbid, guns.  In the old days, parents would look for handwritten notes and letters, but it’s more difficult nowadays to check their texts and private Instagram account.  Yes, we were guilty of invading their privacy, but it seemed like a justifiable breach of ethics.  And, lets face it, parents who don’t know what’s going on in their kids private lives may end up finding out they’ve decided to take a gun to school and shoot someone.

But it comes as a surprise when you turn 80, and  the tables are turned.  Here are 7 signs  your adult children are checking on you.

A ROLE REVERSAL TAKES PLACE WHEN YOU TURN 80

 

1. Surprise visits.  This is especially telling if they don’t live nearby. Suddenly, they arrive at your door with no apology for getting you out of bed at 9 a.m., or catching you wearing a dirty tee shirt and sweat pants.

2.  Request that you drive them on an errand they could easily do on their own. At first, you wonder if they’re too cheap to use their own gas.  Then, you get it. The driving test is meant to determine whether you stay in the same lane, drive 10 miles an hours, run red lights, or pull out in front of oncoming cars. They might also question how  you got that dented fender  when someone hit you in the parking lot.

3.  Root around in your refrigerator.  Is it clean?  Are there  containers with moldy leftovers?  Do you have too many bottles of ketchup? (This indicates memory problems, because you forgot you already had  ketchup when you went to to the store.

4.  Investigate the papers  on your desk.  Usually, the child will wait until they think you’re busy with something else.   Then, you catch them going through your desk drawers and checkbooks.  They’re looking for  money management skills.  Do you pay your bills on time? Are there letters from creditors for overdue bills?

5.  Lengthy visits to both bathrooms.  According to experts, dirty bathrooms are the first sign a parent is losing it.  They might clean up the living room and make their beds if they know you’re coming, but if their eyesight is so poor, and their housekeeping so slovenly that they won’t clean their toilets or sink, much less scrub the floors, they’re losing it.

6.  The sniff test.  A prolonged hug, or unnatural closeness could mean they’re checking your personal hygiene.  How often do you bathe and wash your hair?  Do you wear clean clothes?  If you flunk this test,  they might ask if you need help taking a shower.

7.  Going through your medicine cabinet.  Do you have expired prescription drugs?  Dried up bottles of Pepto Bismo?  When they leave, you may find your medicine cabinet is half empty.

It’s irritating when you realize your children are turning the tables, sneaking around to check on you the way you did when they were teenagers.  But at least it means they care.

Just a word of advice:  If you know the kids are going to drop by, hide those extra bottles of ketchup in the frig and for heaven’s sake, clean your bathroom.