HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD A GRUDGE?

Last year’s shooting of the newspaper staff in Annapolis got me thinking about the downside of  holding a grudge.  I doubt if there’s anyone in the world who doesn’t feel some resentment  over a long ago insult or perceived wrong.  How long can you hold a grudge?

 
I held a secret grudge for many years against a young man whom I overheard jeering, and saying I was “crazy” at a teenage party. This was right  after my older sister had a mental breakdown that required hospitalization.  His words were like a razor across my heart. There was a huge stigma surrounding mental illness in those days (still is). His taunts reinforced the assumption that I was “tarred with the same brush” as my sister, as the saying goes. Thank God there was no Facebook, or I might have been bullied into suicide.  Soon after, I went away to college and started a new life in Chicago upon graduation.

Fast forward: twenty years later.  I’m back in my hometown with a new job, and I’m seeing this guy at public events and social gatherings more often than I would like.  At first, I managed to avoid him.  But then I would see him again, and the knot in my stomach told me I was still holding a grudge for that long ago incident. It was not pleasant; I hadn’t felt that way for a long time, so I took another look at this man, and realized he wasn’t really a monster, just an ordinary guy fighting serious health problems and a failing business. He had probably forgotten making  such cruel remarks, and  hopefully, he had matured enough that he would not do it again.

Then I remembered the words of Martin Luther King, Jr.  “Hate is too great a burden to bear, so I chose love.” I won’t say I began to love my former detractor, but carrying a grudge was too great a burden for me to bear, so I let it go.

The scary thing about grudges is that they become a self defeating obsession. https://medium.com/productivity-revolution/6-reasons-why-holding-grudges-makes-you-unhappy-7e2198de26fe In the case of the Annapolis shooter, he  preferred killing 5 people and living the rest of his life in prison, to letting go of that grudge.

 

LAST CHANCE FOR FREE BOOK

This is the last chance for you  to download a free copy of my  husband’s memoir.  A PREACHER CALLED SINN will be FREE  Sunday, May 12 @

 

This book tells the story of the way  my husband and I overcame the difficulties of divorce in the eighties,  and defied convention to meet each other before internet dating sites even existed.  When we finally married over the objections of family and friends, we thought our troubles were over,  Little did we know that the worst was yet to come.

. Here is a brief synopsis:

“The seeds of my undoing as a Protestant minister may have begun with my name.”

In 1995, Duane Sinn endured a brutal media attack that nearly destroyed him. How could this have happened to a young man who left the farm, served his country, and struggled twelve long years to get through seminary while working full time, and raising a family?

Duane bares his soul in this raw, honest memoir, writing about the heartbreak of his first marriage, the highs and lows of his troubled ministry, and his unlikely entrance into the rough and tumble world of politics.

A PREACHER CALLED SINN is a coming of age story that transitions into Duane’s life as a Protestant minister who falls in and out of love, starts over more than once, yet always remains true to himself.

About the Author:

Rev. M. Duane Sinn was raised on a farm in Nebraska, and attended the University of Nebraska for one year before joining the Army Air Corps during the Korean War.

Upon discharge from Hickham Air Force Base in Hawaii, Duane returned to Nebraska with his wife and twin sons to attend college and work various jobs: insurance salesman, radio announcer, window dresser, ladies lingerie clerk, and part time minister, just to name a few. It would take twelve years to earn his bachelor’s degree from Hastings College and finally, his Master of Divinity Degree from Iliff School of Theology in Denver.

In 1968, he came to Terre Haute, Indiana as the Methodist campus minister for Indiana State University and Rose Hulman Institute of Technology. Twelve years later, he joined LBJ’s War on Poverty as Executive Director of the Western Indiana Community Action Agency.

Fiercely independent, Duane has always followed his own moral compass when faced with difficult choices. He has been married to author Lucia Sinn for thirty two years, and they have six grown children.

Get a Free copy of Amazon Kindle book:  A Preacher Called Sinn , Thursday through Sunday  @ http://bit.ly/1HOFqpG

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EVERYBODY LOVES A BABY

Most people don’t like to be in a roomful of strangers.  You know nothing about them—whether they’re hateful , rude, snobby, or unpleasant to be around.  When entering a restaurant in a new  city, we don’t feel comfortable surrounded by men and women we’ve never met.  Then, someone walks in the door with a baby , and the whole atmosphere changes.   People smile and wave.  Everybody loves a baby.

Babies bring families together
EVERYONE LOVES TO SEE A CUTE LITTLE BABY

Science has proven that the maternal instinct is wired into women’s  brains.  And it’s a good thing, because those “love” hormones get a parent though  a lot of sleepless nights.  But even if it isn’t your own child or grandchild, most people sort of melt when they see a sweet little baby.  Why is that? Psychologists say it’s because we feel safe and secure around a baby. They aren’t judging us.  If we smile at them, they often smile back.  And even if they cry, we still think they’re cute because we know it has nothing to do with us, personally.  Maybe they’re tired, or sick, or  afraid of strangers—just like we are.

They’re sweet  and appealing and uninhibited.  We love the softness of their skin and the brightness of their eyes. They remind us of our own children when they were babies, and bring back wonderful memories.

Best of all, a new baby  often brings families closer together. Family feuds and past resentments fade away at holiday gatherings  when there’s a baby in the midst.  You don’t have to force conversation or talk politics.  All you have to do is ooh and aah while a toddler takes his first steps, or holds out her arms to be held. And sometimes, relatives who have been estranged are reunited when a new baby is born.  Everybody loves a baby.

Family feuds are forgotten when a new baby arrives
A NEW BABY OFTEN BRINGS FAMILIES TOGETHER

“Pretty Baby” was a popular hit tune written in 1915.  But most of us who are alive today remember it as  crooner Dean Martin’s hit album in 1957.

PRETTY BABY

Everybody loves a baby
That’s why I’m in love with you
Pretty baby, pretty baby
And I’d like to be your sister
Brother, dad and mother too
Pretty baby, pretty baby

Won’t you come and let me
Rock you in my cradle of love?
And we’ll cuddle all the time
Oh, I want a lovin’, baby
And it might as well be you
Pretty baby of mine

Everybody loves a baby
That’s why I’m in love with you
Pretty baby, pretty baby

Earth Angels Among Us

EARTH ANGELS AMONG US  was one of my most popular posts at this time last year on my other blog, EightyGo.

Since this is an important weekend for many religions,  it seems like a good time to celebrate people  who give much to others, with no thought of reward.  What makes a person so generous that you can almost see the halo around their head?

Somewhere along the way, most of us have been touched by an angel.   In this instance, I’m thinking of two inspiring women who volunteer to teach Tai Chi and Mah Jongg  several days a week at our local senior center.  They also do many small favors for those who are lonely or in need.  As far as I know, one attends church and the other doesn’t, which may or may not rule out religion as their motivating factor.  What I do know is that both of them are very strong women—nothing meek and mild about them.   They come from different socio-economic circumstances, so it seems like one’s income bracket doesn’t influence  a servant’s heart.   Perhaps there’s a generosity gene in their DNA.  All I know is that earth angels are rare, and a blessing to those of us who come under their wings.

From what I’ve read, altruistic people are great leaders with a strong sense of purpose, who were raised in warm, empathetic families.   They aren’t condescending, and treat everyone with respect and dignity.  They bring out the best in people without any signs of thinking they’re superior—even though they actually are.  They would be embarrassed to read this blog, because they don’t believe they’re doing anything great.   And yet,  it would be impossible to quantify the joy they bring to so many lives, or how many low spirits have been lifted  by their kindnesses.

Thank heaven for the angels among us.

 

A RARE SIGN OF LOVE

Remember that line  from the song Chicago?  “I saw a man, he danced with his wife.”  Yesterday, I saw a  man helping  his wife with her coat, and opening the door for her as they walked out of a restaurant. You don’t often see men doing things like that anymore. Chivalry is a rare sign of love.

They were a middle aged couple, both a bit overweight.  But the woman was attractive, with high heels, carefully groomed blonde hair, and stylish clothes.  She didn’t mind being treated with love and respect, and her husband obviously enjoyed treating her like a lady.  Is there something wrong with this picture? Apparently so.

Modern feminist researchers call this type of behavior “benevolent sexism.”  They say that treating a woman like this shows that he considers his wife weak, and in need of protection.  That doesn’t sound so bad to this old lady.  Even though women are just as smart as men, it’s a biological fact that they aren’t as physically strong..

MOST WOMEN APPRECIATE A MAN WHO TREATS THEM LIKE A LADY. VIVE LA DIFFERENCE!

Believe it or not, when I was dating in the 50’s and 60’s, you waited until a man came to your door to pick you up for a date.  You would have felt insulted if a guy asked you to meet him somewhere..  But now, in big cities, a woman is expected to meet her date,  and get there on her own.    Everyone is equal.

We go to brunch occasionally at a college hangout.  I have never seen a young man holding a door open for his date.  Typically, one of them has their head down looking at their smart phones as they come and go.   Supposedly, a young feminist would consider it a put down if a guy treated her like a lady.

On Valentine’s Day, I propose the return of romance in a relationship.  What in the world is wrong  with “vive la difference” as the French say?   I feel loved and cherished on a cold winter day when my husband backs the car out of the garage and warms it up for a few minutes before I climb inside.  I’m not sure a feminist would enjoy that, but I do.

Happy Valentine’s Day↑

HOORAY FOR SCHOOL BUS DRIVERS!

Most of us try to avoid getting stuck in traffic behind a school bus.  It’s  annoying having to stop every time they do, and wait while the kids disembark.  My children walked to school in the good old days when it wasn’t considered child neglect, so I had never met a school bus driver until recently.  And now, I have a new respect for the brave souls who assume such awesome responsibility.  Hooray for School Bus Drivers!

My school bus driver is someone I met while doing water aerobics.  First, I must describe her appearance because she’s straight out of central casting.  A bit plump, bright blue eyes, rosy cheeks, short blond hair, and a a warm smile.   She loves to chat with everyone, regardless of their color or social status.

School Bus Drivers often face icy roads
SCHOOL BUS DRIVERS HAVE A HEAVY RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR CHILDREN

This morning, it was extremely cold outside, and I asked her how she felt about driving on icy roads.  She replied, ‘I go very,  very slow.”  She added that a bus is extremely heavy, and  doesn’t perform too well on ice.  It simply rolls, and you just have to hang on and hope it doesn’t  go off the road..    That’s when I realized what a tremendous responsibility these people have.  I think that the first time my school bus rolled into a ditch, I would turn in my badge.

In the locker room, we continued our conversation about her job.  She takes it very seriously.  “I’m the first person they see in the morning on their way to school, and the last person they see before they get home,” she said. “So I always greet them with a smile, and tell them goodbye as they leave.”   She paused a minute, and looked off into the distance.  “I really love my kids,” she said.  “And I’ll bet they love you ,too” I replied.  She looked pensive for a moment. “Yes,” she said. “they do.”   Knowing this lady, I’m sure she is loved by all the children, even the unruly ones.  She’s a strong woman, who probably has to intervene in many fights and endure a bit of back talk from time to time.  And yet, she loves her job.

Now, when I see a school bus, I imagine it’s my friend behind the wheel, and I no longer feel annoyed when I see the brake lights and the stop sign  drops from the side window.   It’s going to snow a lot next week in much of the United States , with  treacherous driving conditions.  I’ll be thinking about all these unsung heroes and heroines, and wishing them godspeed.

LAST DAY FOR FREE KINDLE BOOK

This is the last day I’m offering a FREE KINDLE BOOK of my novel, TAKE THE MONEY: ROMANTIC  SUSPENSE IN COSTA RICA.

You  may wonder how an Indiana author decided to write a book about Costa Rica.  My inspiration came  the year after my husband and I retired and spent several months living in San Jose.  We had traveled through Europe and all over the United States by that time, but it seemed that Costa Rica had special charms we hadn’t found anywhere else.

When you think of Costa Rica,  you picture beaches and rain forests.  But in fact, Costa Rica is also known as “Little Switzerland” due to it’s verdant countryside and mountains.  The air is crisp and clear, the weather near perfect.  Visiting downtown San Jose , you hear numerous languages from all over the world.  Everyone loves Costa Rica.

fly away with me via Kindle to romantic Costa Rica
TAKE THE MONEY: ROMANTIC SUSPENSE IN COSTA RICA

Many Americans have permanent residences in Costa Rica.  We were tempted to move there, but realized how inconvenient it would be for our children if one of us got very sick.  Not to mention the legal hassles involved in passing away in a foreign country.  So, we came back home, and that’s when I enrolled in a creative writing class at Indiana State University, and began  writing Take The Money.

TAKE THE MONEY: ROMANTIC SUSPENSE IN COSTA RICA  is FREE today on Kindle @ http://amzn.to/1AgDW8a

Here’s a brief synopsis:

What would you do if you witnessed a murder and the victim gave you $60,000 just before he died? Should you keep the money or call the police? Julie Lawson has only moments to decide.

Julie goes for a drive in her boss’s new Porsche, but a joyride turns to terror when they’re rammed from behind and tumble into a ravine. Knowing he won’t survive, Kevin Dufrain urges Julie to take the money and run because, “they’ll get you, too.” She boards a night plane to the cosmopolitan city of San Jose, Costa Rica and meets mysterious businessman, Bud Jimenez, who helps her find a job at the “Memphis South,” a popular nightclub run by Texas beauty, Nellie Compton. When Julie discovers the killer has tracked her down, she heads for a beach near the Nicaraguan border.

Julie’s small plane is forced to land in a remote Indian Village where she meets the passionate and charismatic Dr. Enrique Rojas, a widower who runs a medical clinic for the impoverished natives of Costa Rica. Here, Julie thinks she’s found the secret thing she always wanted to do, but it may be too late. The killer is still on her trail and the DEA suspects her of drug trafficking. Her fragile hopes for happiness seem about to shatter. Now, Julie must lose herself to discover what’s really important in life.

Take the Money is a compelling tale full of passion and courage. It takes you from a corrupt, inbred, southern Indiana town to the mountains, beaches, volcanoes, waterfalls, rain forests, and all of the fabulous natural wonders of beautiful Costa Rica.

Take The Money: Romantic Suspense in Costa Rica is FREE on KINDLE Jan 2, 3, 4. @ http://amzn.to/1AgDW8a

Enjoy!