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THE PURSUIT OF ETERNAL YOUTH

How far should you go in pursuit of the fountain of youth?  If you visit  a shopping mall or restaurant in South Dakota, you probably will see plenty of white haired ladies with as many wrinkles as Barbara Bush.  Hop on a plane to Palm Springs, and you won’t find many women  growing old gracefully.  Some face lifts do take years off your face, if that’s what you’re going for.  Others can be grotesque, with skin pulled tight over cheekbones and lips plumped up like a duck.  You see a lot of the latter in California.  The one time I asked my husband if I needed a cosmetic surgery, he nearly had a heart attack, remembering all the botched face lifts we’d seen.   “Don’t you dare mess with the face of the woman I love,” he pleaded.  So that was the end of that.

Dental implants are popular to upgrade your smile, but some people go too far.  Perfectly formed and obviously fake white teeth can be a bit startling in an aging person , calling attention to the lines around their mouth. 

By the time I graduated from college, I had a “skunk” streak of white hair.  Often, I was asked if I had paint in my hair, but more often someone would say something like “you have white hair” as if I didn’t know .  I got so tired of the comments that I started “dyeing” my hair as soon as I got away from home.  My mother thought no lady would ever dye her hair, and that’s what they called it back then.  It was thought to be a bit trashy.  When it finally became fashionable to “color” your hair, I had already been doing it for 30 years.
Weight control is another problem, because the body needs fewer and fewer calories as we age.  But does it really matter that much if you’re slightly overweight?  Medical studies have shown that it’s healthy for the elderly to have a few extra pounds to get them through any ailments.  Some older women still work diligently to weigh what they did in their 20’s, but it doesn’t do a lot for their face.  A little padding helps smooth out the wrinkles.
By the time you’re a lady of eighty, you aren’t particularly vain about your looks.  You’re more interested in getting a hearing aid that works.  Eventually, you take a look in the mirror and say to yourself, “this is as good as it gets.”  What a relief.

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THE JOY OF RECEIVING A LETTER IN THE MAIL

Do you remember the last time you received a handwritten letter?  If you’re under fifty, you may have never received one at all, except for some hastily written sentences scrawled at the bottom of a greeting card.
Before e mail and smart phones and texting, it was costly to make long distance phone calls, and people actually sat down and wrote letters.  Especially if you were in the dating mode.  I had boyfriends in the service , boyfriends who went to colleges a long way from home and boyfriends who’d moved away , and it was exciting to wait for the mailman and see your name scrawled across an envelope with their return address.  Heart pounding, you would tear open the envelope and pore over  every single word.  If it was a love letter, you would hide it in a drawer so your mother wouldn’t see it, and read it over and over again until you got another one.
My college girlfriends also wrote letters in the summer, full of news about vacations, who they were dating, and all those gossipy things young women talk about.  Their handwriting and enclosed snapshots were unique and personal,  almost as if they were right there in the room.
After I was married and lived far from home, my mother and I exchanged letters every week, pounded out on an old typewriter.  We never bothered with spelling and punctuation  corrections (too much trouble to stop and erase), but we both looked forward to hearing about what was going on in each other’s lives.  I  could go back to the letter all week, anytime I was  feeling lonely and missed  my family. A personal letter was a comfort and also a great compliment .  It meant someone cared enough about you to sit down for maybe an hour, address an envelope, buy a stamp, and take it to the post office.  

You know what I’ve going to do today?  I’m going to sit right down and write someone a letter.

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TRUMP & COMEY JUST A COUPLE OF CLOWNS

If you’re looking for comic relief in the nation’s toxic political environment, you need look no further than the dialogue between James Comey and Donald Trump. 

I must admit I’m impressed with Comey’s euphemisms in describing Trump’s character.  Instead of calling Trump a fraud, he says he’s “untethered from the truth.”  He believes Trump lacks an “external moral framework,” but never comes out and calls him an adulterer and a thief.  Very lawyerly, indeed. You can’t be sued for libel and defamation of character with those high brow comments.  A few years ago, I ran across  “moral compass”  in a book,  and liked that term  so much that I used it to complain to a real estate company about one of their agents who had lied to us about the condition of the apartment we rented, yet refused to give us a refund.  I didn’t call the guy a liar and a thief, and I never got my money back, but the person in question was soon out of a job.
Then we have Trump’s unrestrained name calling in response to these carefully worded opinions.  Comey is a “liar, loser, weakling, slimeball, and a leaker.”  Whatever pops into Trumps’s  head comes out of his mouth like a playground bully.
But of course, beneath every comedy is an undercurrent of tragedy, and in this case, I believe the entire episode is harmful to all the citizens of this country, no matter who they voted for.   The issues of war and peace shouldn’t be in the hands of a couple of clowns.

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ARE YOU ENVIOUS OR ENVIED?

One of benefits of  turning eighty is that you seldom feel envious anymore. Half the people you once envied are dead, and those who are still around are hanging on for dear life, coping with arthritis, glaucoma, and other physical ailments. Everyone has kids who have turned out with varying degrees of success or failure. And money doesn’t mean much if you’re in a wheelchair or in such poor health that you can’t go anywhere, except maybe to church or an afternoon matinee.

But looking back, you realize how much envy affects young people’s  lives.  When I was a child in elementary school, I had the advantage of older siblings who shared their schoolwork. That made me a pretty smart first grader, but nobody likes a kid who’s at the top of her class. Consequently, I got teased and bullied,   and didn’t realize that being teacher’s pet doesn’t make for popularity. I always thought they didn’t like me because of  my frizzy hair & crooked teeth.

During the teenage years, pretty girls are envied and gossiped about by their less attractive classmates.   I didn’t lack for boyfriends, but envied the popular girls who lived in beautiful homes,  wore fashionable clothes, and drove their parent’s expensive cars around town.    Envy and feelings of inferiority carried over from being too smart in grade school and too poor in high school.

When you’re young, you don’t realize that an envious person can make your life miserable. They can pretend to be your friend, and run you down behind your back. This is even worse if they’re  colleagues, because it can affect your career.   You keep trying to make them like you, but it won’t work, because you have something they wish they had—whether it be good looks, a happy home, a higher salary or talent.  There are a zillion ways to attract envy.

Things start getting worse in middle age.  Now you’re competing for expensive homes, professional accomplishments, and your children’s achievements. They say people who boast are basically insecure, but it’s hard to feel sympathy for a woman who brags about her brilliant CEO son, when your kid is back living at home and out of a job.
There’s not much you can do if the green eyed monster rears its ugly head, except to know it’s toxic to both the envious and the envied, alike.   Successful people have learned it’s not smart to flaunt wealth or success. Millionaires like Sam Walton drive old trucks, and Warren Buffet lives in his first house. And an affluent woman who runs for office or volunteers at a soup kitchen, had best leave her diamonds at home.
  

 

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PERK UP YOUR MENU WITH PLANTAINS

 

Have you ever  fixed plantains? I had never eaten them in my life  until I went on a second honeymoon to Costa Rica with my second husband.  That was about 25 years ago, and grocery stores in my small Indiana  hometown didn’t sell them.   And if I had tried to serve them to patients at the hospital where I was Director of Nutrition Services, they would  have come back uneaten.  Hoosiers in flyover country are mostly meat, potatoes, and noodle people. 
 
But once I’d been served fish and fried plantains, I was hooked.  Then, as immigration from Latin America increased, I found them hidden away in the produce department of our local supermarket where they started out bright green, lingering in an obscure bin until they were black.  The problem was, most people didn’t know what they were, much less how to cook them.
The most important part of serving plantains is when you buy them.  Too green, and they’ll taste like wood.  Too ripe, and,  they taste like fried bananas— too mushy and sweet for my taste.  For me, a plantain that is yellow with dark spots, but still slightly firm to the touch is just perfect. 
 
I don’t peel them until the fish is in the oven. Then,  I slice the plantains across every inch and a half, stand them on end and slice down the middle.  Next, heat a thin coat of  a olive oil in a pan on medium heat, and fry the plantains  about a minute or two until they’ve browned on the bottom. Flip them over with and mash them slightly with a spatula until they’re brown on the other side,  and slightly soft,  then drain on paper towels.  Cover with foil and keep them warm until the fish is done, and you’re ready too serve a delicious tropical meal even though it’s snowing outside.
Some plantain recipes on the net call for cups of cooking oil and super ripe plantains.  Way too many calories! Don’t do this if you’re trying to eat lean.  Use the smallest amount of cooking oil possible.  Season with salt and pepper to taste, but be careful if you’re on a low sodium diet. 
The internet has more elaborate plantain recipes that you might like. A Caribbean getaway may not be possible,  but you can enjoy an exotic food right in your own home.

 

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NO MORE RETAIL THERAPY AT MACY’S

Walked through  the local mall today for the first time since Macy’s closed their doors.  The south end of the parking lot is empty and the halls are eerily quiet.
Once upon a time, big city department stores seemed like a magical dreamland to this hick from Purdue who graduated  college to work in  Chicago.  I took an entry level  job in an advertising agency only one block away from Marshall Field’s.  Heaven!  I could barely make my rent, and certainly couldn’t afford their clothes, but it was fun to enter those revolving doors , look up into the vaulted ceilings,  smell the exotic fragrances, and see the latest fashions, Then, I’d get out my sewing machine and copy those expensive dresses as best I could.
A few years later, I landed a job that sent me on a trip  to New York City.  Couldn’t wait to get to Macy’s. It seemed years ahead of Marshall Field’s, and the epitome of  sophistication.
Then, fate knocked me around for a few years.  I got a divorce and landed back in the ingrown, Southern Indiana hometown I’d always wanted to escape.   But I got a good job which I needed to support three kids, so I was stuck in River City. Then,  lo and behold, Macy’s came to Indiana, and that made me feel as if a part of my old life had returned.  I wasn’t stuck in the boonies; I could shop at Macy’s!  

The  fun  of department store shopping has gone the way of the internet, and now, with Macy’s gone, retail therapy is never going to be the same. Farewell, Macy’s, and thanks for the memories.

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ARE NOSE RINGS TRASHY OR HOT?

My husband and I often have brunch on Sunday mornings at a college hangout, so we are able to observe  current  fads and fashions.  Some we like—skinny pants, boots, short skirts, mini dresses. And we’re seeing fewer tattoos.  But it’s the nose piercings that leave us puzzled.  Why would a pretty girl –or any man or woman– want something  like a bull ring between their  nostrils?  I dunno.  When we were in college I recall we did a lot of kissing.  Seems like a long smooch would be uncomfortable if you’re having a piece of metal pressed against your lips.  Not to mention that it might be gooey if it got infected or you had a runny nose.  The allergy season could be problematic.

The studs on the side of the nose are more attractive. Especially on dark skinned people, they look rather exotic.  But apparently, there’s a down side to the studs, too.  They can get infected, and cause ugly pustules to break out on your skin   And sometimes they leave permanent scars.
What do prospective employers think?  In some jobs, it really doesn’t  matter.  Many waiters and waitresses have nose rings, so apparently you won’t have any trouble getting a job at Cheesecake Factory if you’re sporting a bull ring. But I imagine if you’re applying for a job in more conservative organizations like law offices, consulting firms, and the like, they’ll find a reason not to hire someone with a with a face full of junk.

Some psychologists believe nose piercing  is a way of rebelling, or making a statement that you’re hot and sexy.  But a beautiful woman doesn’t need anything to make her more attractive.  And if you’re not exactly gorgeous, it seems like a bad idea to draw extra attention to less than perfect features.   A clean, fresh face glowing with youth doesn’t  need  piercings.   

 
According to online surveys,  men see nose rings as a sign that a woman is vulnerable and easy.  So, in that sense, I guess nose rings are hot.  But to us, they’re not.