OMG! LOST MY CELL PHONE

I misplace my phone a lot, but it’s usually just a phone call away on my landline, and I can hear it ringing somewhere in the house.  That happens more often than I would care to admit.  But yesterday, I had a  panic attack because I thought I’d lost it in a parking lot, and being the low techie that I am, I had no way of finding it with a GPS.   My phone also has a strange habit of going on mute all by itself.  So, when I tried to call myself,  a message came across that I was unavailable.  Yikes!   Worse yet, I don’t have one of those messages on my phone that a stranger could use to call me.

I read something by a psychologist who said that the worst thing you can do at that point is to panic. You must, he admonished, take a deep breath and calm yourself down, trying to retrace your  steps  from when you last remember having smartie with you.  I did try that yesterday—for a minute or so—but then I didn’t want to waste time breathing when I might be finding my phone.   So, I jumped in the car,  went running all over the parking lot and into the grocery store where I’d stopped for lettuce and—no dice.

Most people lament losing their phone because it’s expensive to buy a new one.  I wasn’t panicked about the money, so much as three years worth of stuff of my phone.  Photos I haven’t backed up on Dropbox.   All those messages I want to save. The telephone numbers. The way I’m signed in already to my favorite websites.  The apps I’ve downloaded. No, I did not want to start over.  It was hard enough for me to figure all of that out on my current phone, much less on a new one.  At any rate, I came home with knots in my stomach.  And guess what?   My husband met me at the door, holding my phone.  He had found it in the laundry room.  So, the psychologist was correct; if I’d calmed myself down, I would eventually have recalled where I left the phone.
Did you know that 2.5 billion people own smart phones, and the average person loses their phone one time a year?  That means that at any given time, someone, somewhere in the world, is having a panic attack over a lost cell phone.   So I figured out a low tech way to increase my chances of finding a lost phone.  I took one of those return address stickers you get from charities, slapped it on the back of my phone case, and wrote  my landline number on it.  If a Good Samaritan finds it, he can easily contact  me.  But  if a thief finds it, I’m going to be out of luck, anyway. And the next time I see my grandson, I’ll have him  fix my phone up with all that other stuff.  

LIVING THE FRUGAL LIFE

There’s a difference between the meaning of poor and poverty.  When I was a child, a lot of people were poor. That didn’t mean we were homeless or starving, but it did mean that money was scarce. 


For me, that meant wearing hand me down clothes until I could earn enough money babysitting to purchase a new sweater.  It meant making a choice between buying a candy bar at the movies, or riding the bus home on a cold wintry day.  Economy meals at my house often consisted of “variety meats” (hearts, livers, kidneys) baked beans, or meatless spaghetti.  I never ate a restaurant meal until I was thirteen. The heat was turned off at night in the winter, and if you wanted hot water for a bath, you had to go to the basement and make a fire with coal and kindling wood in the little water heater.  The telephone was on a party line, so that the neighbors could listen to all of our conversations. There were hundreds of ways to economize, and our family knew them all.  

You would think that once I graduated from college, married, and had a decent income, I would lose my frugal habits.  But if money was scarce as a child, you never get over comparing prices at  restaurants and grocery stores, clipping coupons, buying clothes only on sale, and waiting to buy a car until you’ve saved up enough cash every decade or so. A half eaten Thanksgiving turkey can never be thrown out unless every scrap of meat is cleaned from the carcass for use in casseroles & sandwiches. There are endless ways to pinch pennies.

 My husband was born on a farm during the depression, and although he, too, always had a roof over his head and plenty to eat, cash was a problem. His mother sewed shirts from feed sacks, and he went barefoot in the summer.  Consequently, we both are on the same page when it comes to economizing.

Growing up poor sounds sad, but it’s actually an advantage to learn how to “make do.” with what you have.  It gets you through job losses, unexpected health care costs, and other financial upheavals that most of us experience.  It also enables you to give more generously to the people you care about and the causes you believe in.   As my husband and I sit on the front porch every evening,, enjoying our  retirement  home and mostly home cooked meals, we don’t regret the money we didn’t spend.

MANICURES AND PEDICURES

Women have been polishing their nails since 3,000 B.C, but it’s not for everyone. My fingernails have always been brittle and thin.  Every time I tried to wear nail polish when I was young, a  nail would inevitably break, or the polish would chip, even before the day was over.  I longed for beautiful nails, but finally I gave up.  Clean and filed is about as good as it gets for me, although I envy those who enjoy the luxury of perfectly polished nails.   I do paint my toenails when I wear sandals, just because I think toes are kind of ugly, and toenail polish doesn’t chip so easily.  In defense of my bare nails, I will report that in all my years of dating and marriage, I never had a boyfriend or husband ask me why I didn’t wear nail polish, or express the feeling that I should.
Now, I’m amazed at the elaborate manicures I see on young  women everywhere.  Especially the receptionists in doctors’ offices.    Maybe it’s a sign of good times–more and more working women can afford manicures. Also, it may be a cultural thing, whereby women of means are expected to have polished, manicured nails.  Other women may do so in order to compensate for some perceived deficiency elsewhere in their appearance.  After all,  almost anyone can have pretty fingernails. (Except me).
What is worse than no paint on your nails?  Chipped nail polish is tacky.  Bitten-to-the-quick nails make you look nervous.  But if I tried to wear nail polish all day long,  it would always be chipped because I do my own housework and gardening, and I swim twice a week.  Sometimes I put on a thin coat of pale pink polish (ala Queen Elizabeth) if I’m going to play cards for a few hours.  Wouldn’t want people to think I was too lazy to do my nails!
Generally speaking, I view women who maintain perfectly painted nails as having a lot of time and money to spend on their appearance.  Does that mean they’re vain?  Insecure?  Wealthy? Or simply well groomed?  Not sure.   It could mean their husbands do the dishes!

IS MELANIA TRUMP ENTITLED TO PATIENT PRIVACY?

It was depressing today to see the first lady’s surgery announced all over the media.  Okay,  it was some type of benign kidney problem.  But, what if she’d had a breast biopsy?  Or been treated with some potentially embarrassing surgical procedure?   I can’t imagine how the public is entitled to know about such personal things.   Such types of stories (often not true)  used to appear in the National Enquirer, not in the mainstream media.  But that’s all changed now.
Perhaps the White House chose to make this announcement, thinking it would put to rest any speculation by some nosy reporter.  But why is it the business of the general public to know about every medical condition of the POTUS family?   Isn’t there such a thing as patient privacy? Or is the first lady excluded from this policy?   Last time I worked in a hospital, you’d be in big trouble if you revealed anything about a patient –even the fact that they were there, at all. 
Just shows how much the honor of the media has deteriorated in the past few years.   The press kept FDR’s polio withered legs from the public for four terms.  JFK’s serious back problems were covered up, and lightly dismissed by showing him in a rocking chair.   I will admit Betty Ford went public with her breast cancer , but that was her very heroic choice, made to encourage other women to get mammograms.  Many people prefer to keep any medical condition to themselves.  I know a woman who didn’t even tell her best friend she was dying of cancer until the very end.   People handle bad news in their own way, which is their right.  I cringed today when I saw that information  about Melania Trump’s surgery  headlining  across  my phone and desktop.  And then, of course, it was on the evening news.  Way Too Much Information, no matter what the source.  And I would doubt it was the first lady’s idea to have her privacy invaded.
Enough already.

THE SOLACE OF THE RIVER

When something stressful invades my life, I always find myself turning to water. 

Living inland, I can’t enjoy the comfort of deep blue water or the sound of crashing ocean waves.  But there are peaceful lakes and rivers all over the world, and they are there for you in times of despair.


My river—the Wabash—isn’t blue like the ocean unless the sun is very bright and the sky is cloudless.  It’s often a cool, pale green.  While watching the gentle,  rippling waves moving up toward  the bend in the river,  I  begin to relax , knowing that the Wabash is here for me now, and tomorrow.  It’s steady and predictable and comforting.  And even if I’m not stressed out, it give me a sense of  awe that heightens my self awareness and satisfaction with life in general.

The river in my city isn’t a particularly popular destination.  The far side of it is lined with trailers where poor people used to live, and some still do.  A cluster of subsidized senior housing units nearby doesn’t add much glamour.   It isn’t a ritzy, fashionable spot, although the city has cleaned up our side, and provided grassy parks where children can play, and shelters where folks can picnic. But it’s lined with towering trees and leafy bushes,  and if I walk there around noon, I see many parked cars with solitary drivers. reading books or cheering themselves up from whatever might be wrong in their lives.

Actually, I’m glad my river is a well kept secret.  It wouldn’t be nearly as peaceful if it were overrun with crowds.  There’s a movement in the town to do something like the river walk in San Antonio, Texas, but  I’m hoping that doesn’t come to pass in my lifetime.  Right now, I like driving past the small childhood home of musician Paul Dresser who wrote, “On the Banks of the Wabash,”  and his brother,  Theodore  Dreiser , the author of  “Sister Carrie” , and feel that moment of joy when I see the sun light shining across the water.

MOTHERHOOD IS A RISKY BUSINESS

Motherhood has always been a risky business.  Before the 20th century, it was common to lose a young child to diphtheria, pneumonia, or many other infectious diseases.  Reading the biographies of past presidents of the US, you learn that the death of some of their children caused them grief and may have affected the way they conducted affairs.

My first child was born in Chicago, where my husband and I had no nearby mothers or aunts.  How terrifying those first few weeks were—suddenly, you’re responsible for the life of a tiny human being and you have no experience whatsoever.  I relied heavily on Dr. Spock and a lady pediatrician who had a radio show every afternoon.  But at least I got to be a stay-at-home mom.  That was the norm then, and since I later became a working mom, I have to tell you that stay-at–home is far easier.  Now, my working mom daughters must juggle 8 hour days and commute time,  with the increasing responsibilities of parenthood.

So what do parents get in return for all this hard work?  Some women have grown children who live nearby and are very devoted.  Others might see their children only once a year.  None of us will ever be fully repaid for the sweat and tears we devoted to raising our children..  My reward is seeing my daughters passing on that tender loving care to their own children.  Love is a circle; it never ends.

And to those women who chose not to have children, I’d like to say thank you for not bringing an unwanted child into this world. 
Happy Mother’s Day to all.

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET ABOUT UNWANTED EMAIL

This will be difficult for my grandchildren to believe, but I didn’t use a computer in college and never took a computer class.  Everything I know about navigating  the internet is through painstaking trial  and error.  Consequently, I had no idea of how to get rid of unwanted emails.
Since I do a lot of online shopping, it got to the point where I was receiving around 100 emails a day. Ouch! That’s a lot of stuff to go through, especially if you let it pile up for a few days.  Each morning, I would sit down and slowly delete unwanted emails  one by one,  looking for the 2% of mail  that came from a person I actually knew.
That all changed yesterday, after I read the Heloise column in our local newspaper.  Wait a minute: that’s the lady who gives you five uses for cardboard toilet paper rolls? And tells you how to clean your entire house with vinegar and baking soda.  What does she know about computers? Well, apparently, quite a lot,  because she just explained  how to stop those unwanted emails.
 First, you must open the email in question, even though your instinct tells you not to.  Then click on “enable links”.  Scroll down to the bottom of the email and look in the fine print for “Unsubscribe.” You’ll need your glasses to find this link because they really don’t want you to.  After you click on it, a new tab may open and you’ll be asked to type in your email address. They might  ask a few questions , but finally they will give in and let you go. It may take several days  for all the emails from  a company to stop,  but hopefully, by this time next month, I will not cringe every time I open my email account.
Thanks, Heloise