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BRADY’S PUZZLING FAMILY DRAMA

At the risk of sounding like a curmudgeon, I find Tom Brady’s family situation a bit unsettling.  I’m thinking of it from the oldest son’s point of view.  How does a small child understand having a famous father that has never lived with his mother since he was born?   Especially if the Mom lives in California and the Dad lives in New York?  Brady’s puzzling family drama leaves me scratching my head.

50% of children are born to single moms.  Getting pregnant when you aren’t married is no longer taboo.  The popular morning show host, Savannah Guthrie, proudly announced at her wedding that she was 4 months pregnant.  I guess that didn’t bother anyone.  But at least, she was getting married to the father.

I think Brady's oldest son must feel confused
Brady’s unusual family situation makes you wonder what they tell his oldest son

I’m glad Brady’s ex girlfriend , Bridget Moynahan, decided to give birth,  and I applaud Tom for being a part of the boy’s life. But it’s strange that the two of them  were in a 3 year relationship, and yet she didn’t conceive  until the month before they split.  What kind of birth control is that?   You don’t get pregnant when you’re madly in love, but wait until things are falling apart?

I’m sure it’s best that they didn’t feel pressure to get married at that point.  Being raised by people who don’t love each other would be toxic. And yet, how did they explain the facts of his life to this  little kid as he was growing up?  Even if you talked about male and female differences, and how a baby gets born,  I think it would be something the child couldn’t quite grasp.

It seems like every time Brady is in the spotlight, the media  interviews  Bridget Moynahan.  It must be embarrassing for the boy, year after year, having to read about the circumstances of his birth.   They say he’s “surrounded by love,” and I’m sure that’s true.  Only time will tell how he handles his very public parental situation.  Fortunately, he’s growing up on the East and West Coast where mixed up families are the norm..  It might be more difficult here in the conservative  heartland

All I hope is that ordinary men don’t decide it’s glamorous to father a child , break up with their baby mama,  then  marry another woman and start a new family.

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DON’T LET ANYONE MESS WITH YOUR MONEY

Most seniors do business with the same places over the years.  The same insurance company, auto dealer, plumbers, etc.  We’ve spent decades buying goods and services from folks whom we have come to trust.  But should we assume that they’re always 100% honest?  Be wary.  Don’t let anyone mess with your money.

Trusted salespeople may try to sell seniors things they don't need.
YOU COULD BE BE A VICTIM OF DECEPTIVE SALES PRACTICES

Last month, we received a call from our insurance agent   We weren’t  sure why we’d been called in for an interview, and wondered if some policy was being cancelled.  Turns out he wanted us to buy an annuity.  After a lengthy sales pitch, he gave us the most salient feature of this type of investment—we could leave it to our beneficiaries tax free.  That rang a bell, since I had inherited a small Payable On Death certificate years ago, and had not had to pay taxes on anything except the subsequent accrued interest.

When I pointed out that we could receive that same benefit with a CD purchased from our bank, with a Payable On Death beneficiary, he smiled at my ignorance, and assured me that I  was misinformed.  I felt my confidence wavering.  After all, that inheritance was 30 years ago.  The tax laws had probably changed, and maybe I was too old to realize that. And yet, I wasn’t quite ready to sign on the dotted line.  We told him we’d think it over.

At home, I went on the internet and found that the tax laws hadn’t changed.  A payable on death CD is considered an inheritance.  And, unless you have an estate of over 11 million dollars, it is not taxable in my state.

Was the agent poorly informed, or was he purposely deceiving us in order to make a sale?  Either answer is disturbing.   We’re satisfied with our insurance coverage, so this won’t make us change companies.  But, we won’t be buying an annuity.

Although I was disappointed in that  person, I put the incident out of my mind until last week, during the polar vortex. . The heat in our house was not coming up to where we had set the thermostat, and since we have a service contract, we called our contractor.  They arrived promptly, and I went upstairs to check my computer, confident that they would take care of things.  About half an hour later, my husband called me downstairs because the serviceman needed to talk with us.  Uh oh.  That didn’t sound good.

He said we need a new  inducer motor,  and that it would cost about $400.  That seemed reasonable.  However, before we could agree to the purchase,  he pointed out that our furnace was getting old, and now that we were starting to incur expensive repair costs,  it would probably be wiser to buy a new furnace.  When I asked what that would cost, he said about $5.000 to $10,000.   He assured us we could have a new furnace within a few days.  I said, no, just go ahead and order the new part.

Once again, I turned to the internet for advice.  First, I learned that an inducer motor is not even a part of the furnace—it’s just a booster fan .  And its breakdown does not indicate the need for a new furnace. Also, I found that the average cost for a new furnace is somewhere between $4,000 to $6,000. (not $10,000)

It appeared that the person representing the  company we  trusted for years wanted  us to buy an unneeded , overpriced furnace.

Two similar incidents with salespeople in a one month period makes me wonder.  Are seniors targeted for deceptive sales practices?  Do they think we’re too senile to check things out?

.These incidents didn’t come close to being fraudulent, and I’m quite sure no lawyer would have advised us to take legal action had we fallen for these sales pitches. .  Nevertheless,  it’s disappointing to know that even the most reputable of companies might  attempt to deceive the elderly..

Seniors: Don’t let anyone mess with your money.

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A POLAR VORTEX ISN’T FOR WIMPS

If some old geezer tells you he walked to school in below freezing weather, he’s telling the truth.    We’ve been enduring the coldest weather that some younger people can ever remember, but according to records,  we’ve endured many colder days in the past couple of centuries.  But, here in Indiana, they’re not only closing schools, but banks, and city services, and of all things, the United States Post Office.  A Polar Vortex isn’t for wimps.

Should all city services be closed during a polar vortex?
MOST OCTOGENARIANS RECALL WALKING TO SCHOOL IN BELOW FREEZING WEATHER

During my school years,  our nation was half rural and half urban.  We were still coming out of the depression and World War II.  Times were tough, and if you had a job, you treasured it greatly.  The thought of staying home from work on below freezing days would not have been considered.

That tough philosophy extended to the children of those hard working parents.  In the winter, below freezing temperatures were often a fact of life.  Before getting dressed, we children would first put on long underwear,   and long wool socks.  We had “snow pants,”  which were loosely fitting woolen  pants lined with cotton flannel.  Along with those,  you wore a matching jacket, similarly lined.  I suppose those layers provided some extra protection.  Wool stocking caps, mittens, scarves over our faces, and boots completed our outer wear before we left for school.   Many families didn’t own a car, and so children walked to school.

My parents were Catholic, and we never missed a Sunday mass in the winter.  My husband was raised Protestant in rural  Nebraska, and his family always made it to Church on Sunday, no matter how cold it was.  He also  remembers getting up on many a below-freezing morning to milk cows before going to school.  In an unheated barn, no less.  He doesn’t remember ever suffering from frostbite.

This week in our Indiana city, all schools were closed for two days, at least.  I think that’s a good idea. But the post office?  Banks?  And trash collection?  Come on, these people are grownups with warm vehicles to get them where they are going. They have cell phones.  They don’t have to navigate icy interstates, and most main streets have been cleared by road crews.  It’s bad enough we just had to endure a government shutdown, and now this?  Come on,  Hoosiers, toughen up!   This isn’t Minnesota or Alaska.  Don’t let the polar vortex make a wimp out of you.

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DOWNSIDE of being BABY of the FAMILY

If you were not the baby of your family, you probably envied the sibling who was.  You thought they got all the attention, were pampered, and spoiled. As the baby of four siblings, I have to disagree.  Here’s the downside of being Baby of the Family:

My older siblings, consisting of a pair of twins and the eldest—were 4 to 5 years older than I was.  This meant that during family meals, I  sat  in a high chair or booster, listening to them conversing among themselves , while I was merely a silent observer.  Do you think this changed when I was an adult?  Absolutely not.  Even when all of us had spouses, they talked politics and money over my head, while my opinion wasn’t even asked for.  I never complained about this to anyone, because I was so accustomed to that left-out feeling.

In the nineteen forties, most people sent and received volumes of printed Christmas Cards.  I remember when I could first read, and the surprise at  seeing my name included in the names of my parents  children.  Wow, I thought, I really am a part of this family.

While older siblings may think the baby of the family is spoiled, it doesn't always feel that way
THE BABY OF THE FAMILY OFTEN FEELS LEFT OUT

Then, there was the hand-me-down issue.  That was the day of hand knit sweaters.  After years of wear and washing, they were typically matted and shrunk, but they fit, and if I wanted to stay warm in the winter, there was no alternative.  Other hand me downs included faded dresses, and coats with frayed sleeves and mismatched buttons.  Easter and Christmas were the exceptions.  My mother always sewed new outfits for those occasions.  So I really looked forward to going to church on holidays, in my brand new clothes.

Did I consciously resent wearing mostly hand me downs?  Actually, I never thought about it and I don’t recall feel sorry for myself.  After all, money was scarce, and wearable clothes had to be salvaged.  It was only years  later that  I realized hand me downs made me feel less valued than my older siblings.

The baby of the family is usually sheltered from any bad news.  When my Dad lost his job, I wasn’t told about it.  And yet, I sensed there was something wrong.  Other family mishaps were kept from me, even after I had  left home.  Only when the crisis was resolved did they tell me what had happened.  This was meant to be kindly, but it left me feeling useless.  If I couldn’t help my family through trouble, what good was I?

The past ten years have made me realize the saddest thing of all about being the baby of the family.  My parents and siblings have all passed away, and I am the only one left.  Yes, I have my children, but there’s no relationship so close as that between brothers and sisters who share the same DNA.  Right now, I would give anything to go back to that moment in time when I was sitting at  the family dinner table, mutely listening while the conversation swirled around me.

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HELP! OUR NEWSPAPER IS SHRINKING

Why do people buy  newspapers today?  Simple.  It’s because they like the feel of a newspaper, the leisurely way you can skip back and forth between different stories.  It’s not at all the same as online reading.  And so, it was a big disappointment when the Indianapolis Star announced that it’s owner, Gannett Company,  will no longer send us the USA today section we’ve grown accustomed to.   Help! Our newspaper is shrinking.

I realize that real, paper, newspapers have been losing money for years.  The reason, of course, is the internet.  As an example, classified ads used to bring in some money to help run the paper.  But most people use Craigslist if they’re looking for an apartment or household services.  It’s free to the seller and buyer alike!

We have had two newspapers delivered to our door for over 30 years.  Our local paper for the obits, advertising, local events, city politics, and general gossip.  For more in depth coverage  of national news and broader interests, we’ve always loved the Indy Star.  While on winter vacations in Texas, Ga., and Florida, we never found a metropolitan newspaper more to our liking, with its common sense reporting and intelligent editorials. And since my daughter lives in Indy —and doesn’t take the paper—I often know more about what’s going on in her city than she and her family do.

Reading newspapers online isn't nearly as satisfying
ONE OF LIFE’S SIMPLE PLEASURES IS READING THE MORNING PAPER OVER A CUP OF COFFEE

As retirees, one of our simple pleasures is having a morning  cup of coffee while poring over the newspapers.  My husband loves all the funnies, and has even converted me to a couple of them.  We both enjoy the bridge columns. He likes the jumble.

Often, we spend the better part of an hour rattling the papers and discussing different news stories.  Sometimes, one of us will miss a story until the other asks what we thought of it.   We may pass the newspapers back and forth two or three times to make sure we’ve covered everything.

So now, our paper will be thinner, with the elimination of the USA today section.  I hope this isn’t a portent of things to come, but I’m afraid it is.   Reading the newspapers online is not the same experience, at all.  You can’t absorb it in depth, or pass it back and forth.  And if you have achy fingers or carpel tunnel,  it can be painful reading long articles on your smartphone.

All we can hope is that our newspapers won’t  leave this world until after we do.

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WATCH OUT FOR WINTER WEIGHT GAIN

Yesterday, it began to snow and blow here in Indiana.  I  reached for a can of salt crystals to sprinkle on the sidewalk, and found they had melted into a solid mass.  Panic.  I grabbed my coat,  and drove over to Rural King for a new can of sidewalk salt,  and free popcorn.  By the time I got home,   I was so hungry that I finished half a bag of popcorn before I’d taken off my cap.  It’s true.  Cold weather makes you hungry. Watch out for Winter Weight Gain!

Out bodies get hungrier in the winter
Watch Out For Winter Weight Gain. Have a cup of green tea instead of a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

There’s a lot of research to explain why our bodies respond to decreasing temperatures with hunger. It’s an instinct inherited from our ancient forebears. Apparently, the healthiest members of the tribe  survived by upping their calorie intake as the days got shorter and colder.

Cardiologist  Ira Ockene explained to National Public Radio.:

“We are driven by things implanted in our brain a long, long time ago.”

His research conducted at the University of Massachusetts Medical  School found that, in 593 participants from 20-70 years old, people consumed an average of 86 more daily calories in the fall than in the spring.  Worse yet, that increased to 200 extra calories per day in the winter.

He explained that when the days get dark earlier, we’re biologically compelled to seek out more food  and eat faster than usual — an ingrained behavior he likens to what a chipmunk does.

Ockene  also cited an earlier study in which participants ate more as the season changed  but reported still being hungry despite the larger meals.  This  suggested the seasonal effect on hunger might overpower normal satiety triggers.

Okay, so we don’t have to feel guilty about putting on a few pounds over the winter.  On the other hand, there are ways to ward off those hunger pangs.  As soon as your stomach starts demanding more food, stop a minute and tell yourself that you live in a warm place, not a cave, and you don’t really need to stuff yourself with chocolate chip cookies.

Heat a cup of  water in the microwave, and reach for a bag of green tea.  Maybe give it a little flavor with some mint or peach  tea.  Sit down and drink it slowly. There now, your stomach is calming down.  You’ve warded off the winter hungries.  Now, go do something else to take your  mind off food.  Read a book.  Scrub the kitchen floor.  Play a game on your computer.

And remember,  spring is just around the corner.

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TEENAGE ANGST & SCHOOL SHOOTINGS

The word “teenager” didn’t even exist until the early 1950’s.  Before that, teen aged children had some pretty serious things on their minds.  Their parents were just coming out of the depression and World War II.  Many teens were  lucky to have a roof over their head and 3 meals a day.  They made their own entertainment, playing ball, and outdoor games like Kick The Can.   They  didn’t have cell phones or cars or laptops.  And they didn’t take guns to school.  Now, teenage angst and school shootings are on the rise.

tEENAGERS SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH TECHNOLOGY
BEFORE THE RISE OF THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET, TEENS DIDN’T SPEND HOURS PLAYING VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES

Most teenagers in the early 50’s had after school or weekend jobs.  We bought out own clothes ( or made them) and paid our own way to the movies.  Since we hung out at the drug store when we weren’t working,  we saved up for money to buy cokes and milkshakes.  If someone borrowed their parent’s car, they were expected to pay for their own gas.  Most moms didn’t work, so if  Dad lost his job,  the teen had to help out with food and other basics.

Some of our high school classmates were Jewish or Catholic World War II refugees,  from places like Germany and Poland.

What kinds of job did kids have? For girls, mostly baby sitting until you were fifteen.  After that, you could get a sales job at a department store.  Guys mowed lawns and worked as stock boys. If the dad had his own business, a boy was expected to work there on weekends if he wanted extra money to take his girlfriend out on a date.  Restaurants were mostly locally owned, and there were no fast food franchises like McDonald’s where teens could work.

My country cousins had guns.  They hunted in the woods and shot rattlesnakes.  A gun was a necessity for protection if you were isolated on a farm.  Generally speaking, city boys did not have guns.

Fast forward to 1990, the year when the World Wide Internet was established.  In a comparatively affluent society (compared to 1950) kids stayed home and played on the internet. They sent e mails. watched porn, and learned about guns.  Instead of going to a movie once a week, they could watch TV every day, and see lots of violence in action . Then, in 2004, along came Facebook.

Beginning in 1998,  school shootings began to increase. During the 20th century, mass school shootings killed 55 people and injured 260 others at schools,  especially in America’s Western region. Most of the 25 shooters involved were white males who acted alone, and only nine were diagnosed as suffering from mental illnesses at the time. Sixty percent of shooters were between 11 and 18 years old.

It’s getting worse in the 21st century. According to a recent study,  more people have died or been injured in mass school shootings in the US in the past 18 years than in the entire 20th century.

Here’s how it looks from here.   Teenagers today have too much of everything, including leisure time to bully each other on Facebook, have sex, play violent video games, and yes, think about taking a gun to school and shooting someone because they’re suffering from “teenage angst.”

Is gun control the answer to the problem?  Or is there something wrong with the way kids are being raised today?