THE SOLACE OF THE RIVER

When something stressful invades my life, I always find myself turning to water.

Living inland, I can’t enjoy the comfort of deep blue water or the sound of crashing ocean waves. But there are peaceful lakes and rivers all over the world, and they are there for you in times of despair.

My river—the Wabash—isn’t blue like the ocean unless the sun is very bright and the sky is cloudless. It’s often a cool, pale green. While watching the gentle, rippling waves moving up toward the bend in the river, I begin to relax , knowing that the Wabash is here for me now, and tomorrow. It’s steady and predictable and comforting. And even if I’m not stressed out, it give me a sense of awe that heightens my self awareness and satisfaction with life in general.

The river in my city isn’t a particularly popular destination. The far side of it is lined with trailers where poor people used to live, and some still do. A cluster of subsidized senior housing units nearby doesn’t add much glamour. It isn’t a ritzy, fashionable spot, although the city has cleaned up our side, and provided grassy parks where children can play, and shelters where folks can picnic. But it’s lined with towering trees and leafy bushes, and if I walk there around noon, I see many parked cars with solitary drivers. reading books or cheering themselves up from whatever might be wrong in their lives.

Actually, I’m glad my river is a well kept secret. It wouldn’t be nearly as peaceful if it were overrun with crowds. There’s a movement in the town to do something like the river walk in San Antonio, Texas, but I’m hoping that doesn’t come to pass in my lifetime. Right now, I like driving past the small childhood home of musician Paul Dresser who wrote, “On the Banks of the Wabash,” and his brother, Theodore Dreiser , the author of “Sister Carrie” , and feel that moment of joy when I see the sun light shining across the water.

May 11, 2018

MOTHERHOOD IS A RISKY BUSINESS

Motherhood has always been a risky business. Before the 20^th century, it was common to lose a young child to diphtheria, pneumonia, or many other infectious diseases. Reading the biographies of past presidents of the US, you learn that the death of some of their children caused them grief and may have affected the way they conducted affairs.

My first child was born in Chicago, where my husband and I had no nearby mothers or aunts. How terrifying those first few weeks were—suddenly, you’re responsible for the life of a tiny human being and you have no experience whatsoever. I relied heavily on Dr. Spock and a lady pediatrician who had a radio show every afternoon. But at least I got to be a stay-at-home mom. That was the norm then, and since I later became a working mom, I have to tell you that stay-at–home is far easier. Now, my working mom daughters must juggle 8 hour days and commute time, with the increasing responsibilities of parenthood.

So what do parents get in return for all this hard work? Some women have grown children who live nearby and are very devoted. Others might see their children only once a year. None of us will ever be fully repaid for the sweat and tears we devoted to raising our children.. My reward is seeing my daughters passing on that tender loving care to their own children. Love is a circle; it never ends.

And to those women who chose not to have children, I’d like to say thank you for not bringing an unwanted child into this world.

Happy Mother’s Day to all.

May 9, 2018

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET ABOUT UNWANTED EMAIL

This will be difficult for my grandchildren to believe, but I didn’t use a computer in college and never took a computer class. Everything I know about navigating the internet is through painstaking trial and error. Consequently, I had no idea of how to get rid of unwanted emails.

Since I do a lot of online shopping, it got to the point where I was receiving around 100 emails a day. Ouch! That’s a lot of stuff to go through, especially if you let it pile up for a few days. Each morning, I would sit down and slowly delete unwanted emails one by one, looking for the 2% of mail that came from a person I actually knew.

That all changed yesterday, after I read the Heloise column in our local newspaper. Wait a minute: that’s the lady who gives you five uses for cardboard toilet paper rolls? And tells you how to clean your entire house with vinegar and baking soda. What does she know about computers? Well, apparently, quite a lot, because she just explained how to stop those unwanted emails.

First, you must open the email in question, even though your instinct tells you not to. Then click on “enable links”. Scroll down to the bottom of the email and look in the fine print for “Unsubscribe.” You’ll need your glasses to find this link because they really don’t want you to. After you click on it, a new tab may open and you’ll be asked to type in your email address. They might ask a few questions , but finally they will give in and let you go. It may take several days for all the emails from a company to stop, but hopefully, by this time next month, I will not cringe every time I open my email account.

Thanks, Heloise

May 5, 2018November 11, 2018

SOME POTUS WERE A LITTLE “OFF”

The author F. Scott Fitzgerald once opened a story with, “the rich are very different from you and me.” Lately, with all the craziness going on in national politics, I have begun to wonder if politicians are very different from you and me.

Why do men and women go into politics? Supposedly, they are passionate about helping people to have a better life. That’s a worthy and very believable reason, but it seems you’d have to have an unusual amount of self confidence to think you would have the requisite personality traits and abilities to make great changes in society. Somewhere along the way, someone helped them form this good opinion of themselves—whether it be a parent, grandparent, teacher, or someone very close to them. So, that high self-esteem, wired into their brains, makes them slightly outside the “normal” curve. Politicians also must have the intestinal fortitude to endure a lot of nasty attacks on their integrity, appearance, personal life, ability to do the job, and even their families. Most of us don’t have the stomach for all of that public criticism.

Many presidents have been slightly “off.” FDR hid his polio-withered legs from the public for years, afraid that if people knew about his disability, they would never vote for him. Richard Nixon was paranoid and had an alcohol problem. JFK seduced White House interns and slept with mafia call girls. Lyndon Johnson sat on the toilet while talking with reporters , and was feared for his dark moods. Jimmy Carter acted more like a preacher than a president. Bill Clinton had a bit of a sex addiction problem. Now we have Donald Trump who behaves more like a medieval monarch that an elected official. And yet, in spite of their eccentricities and mental health problems, many politicians such as Abe Lincoln and Winston Churchill became great leaders.

Some presidents, like Harry Truman, had modest resources and no doubt were grateful for the perks, pension, and income provided by public office. Power, prestige and money could motivate many a politician. But what about those who are already rich? Someone like Romney? Is he a saint, or on an ego trip. I have no idea what makes these people tick. All I know is that something beyond the “normal” curve propels politicians into the stratosphere, seeking public office in places where angels fear to tread.

May 3, 2018

SHOULD YOU STAY PUT?

The state of Florida is full of retirees fleeing the ice and snow. A friend who moved there said, “I never want to see a snowflake again.” And yet, my husband and I chose to retire in our Indiana home.

This week, I remembered why we stay up north. First of all, I lived in Florida for three years back in the 70’s. My youngest daughter was born there. What I remember most about raising young children in that state is that you almost never saw children out playing in their yards or in the neighborhood. Most of the time, the heat and humidity made it too uncomfortable. And so, strangely enough, my children spent more time indoors on a yearly basis than they did after moving up north. Retirees don’t have to worry about raising children, but the heat is still a problem, as the elderly are much more affected by hot weather.

Crime is a problem in Florida, because it’s the “point of no return,” for many unskilled people who move there without adequate resources or a job. And during the winter months, the traffic is horrendous. If you think you’d like to run a free motel, though, it’s a great place. Distant relatives and acquaintances from up north suddenly start cultivating your friendship, and before you know it, they’ve come for a visit. And then there are the palmetto bugs that are actually giant roaches. Even with a monthly pest control service, they show up in strange places all over your house.

All of those problems are manageable, but what I missed most about Indiana was the spring and fall seasons. As you age, you spend less time gadding about, taking trips, going to concerts and restaurants. If your health isn’t good, the constantly changing landscape provides excitement and drama right out the window. A sunny day in March brings a crop of colorful crocuses. Then it snows, but a few days later it warms up, and there are your daffodils waving in the wind. More cold, maybe some snow, but then it’s warm enough for the magnolia and crab apple trees to bloom. When summer arrives, the trees produce a lovely deep green foliage that you never see in the Florida palm trees. A Florida summer is either scorched or yellow-green.

And then, along about September, a cold breeze sweeps in, and you suddenly feel a spurt of energy as you watch the leaves turn to a riot of yellow, red, orange and gold. The crisp, cool air invigorates you in a way that no ocean breeze ever can.

And so, as our days dwindle down to a precious few, we’re glad we’re Back Home in Indiana.

May 1, 2018

RUDE, CRUDE, AND LEWD

Once upon a time, ordinary people aspired to comport themselves with dignity, as ladies and gentlemen. Hopefully, that has not changed in the real world. But there was no class, whatsoever, in the Michelle Wolf speech at the Washington Correspondent’s Dinner in DC on April 28, where she brutally insulted the current

White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

During WWII, the only source of live news was the radio. The newspapers were a day late, and the newsreels at the movie theaters were probably a week late. Listening to the nightly news drew the family together as though sitting before a fireplace. We trusted that news reporters were telling the truth. Journalists were expected to report the news as it occurred, not as filtered by their own biases. And, comedians like Jack Benny, Bob Hope, Fibber McGee and Molly were actually funny, with no need to use four letter words.

Now it’s fashionable for trashy women to stand up and use vulgar language in order to please certain journalists. It just shows how divided we are in this country. I think if Michelle Wolf had made that mean spirited speech in Flyover Country, either someone would have deadened the microphone or the entire audience would have walked out of the room. Here in middle America we don’t cotton to bullying, trash talk, name calling, and obscenity in our journalists, no matter which political party they favor.

Sadly, women like Kathy Griffin and Michelle Wolf are actually hurting the women’s movement. Women want equal opportunity and equal representation in elected offices. They also want respect No one respects women who are Rude, Crude, and Lewd. If this comedian from Canada is supposed to represent modern women, God help us all.