It happens to everyone, sooner or later. Someone or something lets you down, dashes your hopes and dreams. You may get over it quickly, after a long while, or not at all. But the truth is, when things don’t turn out the way we expect, it’s often a blessing in disguise. Did you dodge a bullet yesterday, last month, or years ago?

Did You Dodge A Bullet? When we’re disappointed in love, we may have dodged a bullet.

The first example that comes to mind is a failed relationship. Someone you love, decides that they don’t love you. It may happen gradually, over years. Or you’re totally blindsided. One moment you’re happy and content , the next minute you’re getting dumped. Unless you got married right out of high school, you’ve probably experienced at least one episode like this. And yet, when it’s finally over, and you’ve gone on with your life, you realize the person wasn’t right for you at all.

Here’s how the urban dictionary defines Dodged a Bullet: “When you come close to dating a person but for whatever reason it falls through, and then later find out that person is batshit crazy, you’ve dodged a bullet..

Ok, the person wasn’t crazy, so that doesn’t apply. . But you may look back and realize you actually had nothing much in common, or the one you loved was emotionally abusive. It may take a long time, but you finally realize it would never have worked out well.

The next big downer is getting turned down for a job. When you’ve written a great resume, and sat through a seemingly positive interview, you’re confident you’ll be offered a position.

And then, you hear nothing back. Or you receive a tersely written letter that they’re sorry to inform you—you didn’t get the job. And they don’t even leave the door open, asking you to keep on applying. This is almost more of a blow to your self esteem than the failed relationship. What did you say or do wrong? Was there spinach on your teeth? Doggedly, you keep trying, not getting your hopes up again after the next interview. And all of a sudden, you land a dream job with a great organization. After you’ve settled down, you look back and feel immensely grateful that you got turned down after that first job interview. . It wasn’t about you—it was on them. Their loss. Ha Ha.

Did a business deal fall through? Someone stand you up for an important meeting? Miss a plane that ended up six hours on the tarmac? . The next time you’re feeling upset about a rejection or missed opportunity, remember this: You may have dodged a bullet.

Last year’s shooting of the newspaper staff in Annapolis got me thinking about the downside of holding a grudge. I doubt if there’s anyone in the world who doesn’t feel some resentment over a long ago insult or perceived wrong. How long can you hold a grudge?

I held a secret grudge for many years against a young man whom I overheard jeering, and saying I was “crazy” at a teenage party. This was right after my older sister had a mental breakdown that required hospitalization. His words were like a razor across my heart. There was a huge stigma surrounding mental illness in those days (still is). His taunts reinforced the assumption that I was “tarred with the same brush” as my sister, as the saying goes. Thank God there was no Facebook, or I might have been bullied into suicide. Soon after, I went away to college and started a new life in Chicago upon graduation.

Fast forward: twenty years later. I’m back in my hometown with a new job, and I’m seeing this guy at public events and social gatherings more often than I would like. At first, I managed to avoid him. But then I would see him again, and the knot in my stomach told me I was still holding a grudge for that long ago incident. It was not pleasant; I hadn’t felt that way for a long time, so I took another look at this man, and realized he wasn’t really a monster, just an ordinary guy fighting serious health problems and a failing business. He had probably forgotten making such cruel remarks, and hopefully, he had matured enough that he would not do it again.

Then I remembered the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. “Hate is too great a burden to bear, so I chose love.” I won’t say I began to love my former detractor, but carrying a grudge was too great a burden for me to bear, so I let it go.

The scary thing about grudges is that they become a self defeating obsession. https://medium.com/productivity-revolution/6-reasons-why-holding-grudges-makes-you-unhappy-7e2198de26fe In the case of the Annapolis shooter, he preferred killing 5 people and living the rest of his life in prison, to letting go of that grudge.

Tag: relationships

DID YOU DODGE A BULLET?

Ok, the person wasn’t crazy, so that doesn’t apply. . But you may look back and realize you actually had nothing much in common, or the one you loved was emotionally abusive. It may take a long time, but you finally realize it would never have worked out well.

HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD A GRUDGE?

Last year’s shooting of the newspaper staff in Annapolis got me thinking about the downside of holding a grudge. I doubt if there’s anyone in the world who doesn’t feel some resentment over a long ago insult or perceived wrong. How long can you hold a grudge?

Then I remembered the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. “Hate is too great a burden to bear, so I chose love.” I won’t say I began to love my former detractor, but carrying a grudge was too great a burden for me to bear, so I let it go.