Charles is already the King of England, but they will make it official in a coronation ceremony on May 4.  Britons will get a day off to watch the parade and celebrate.  After that, Chucky will finish out his royal duties until the day he dies, according to tradition.  But as Americans watching from afar, you have to wonder. What, exactly, do kings do nowadays?

In past centuries, Kings had clearly defined roles and responsibilities.  Kings  were usually warriors who lead their men into battle and conquered territories.  If they succeeded, they got to make  the laws, wage wars on other tribes or countries, and be  in charge of all the money collected.  Eventually,  they became emperors, chieftians,  or whatever they called the top dog in a particular part of the world.

When kings died, it was assumed that their progeny had inherited their same traits. Sons automatically succeeded their fathers.  That didn’t always work out so well.  Just look at King Tut of Egypt who died at the age of 19 and was buried with all that gold. And in the case of England, the royal DNA has been watered down  lately, what with Princes marrying commoners, thus  diluting those kingly genes.

It seems strange that there still kings  and queens hanging around in Europe.  All of whom are in countries  governed by elected officials who make the laws, decide how taxes will be spent, and declare war.  Which begs the question:  What do Royals do in this century?  Since Charles is the most visible king, it’s easier to figure  out his job description.

It seems to me that another title might be more appropriate.   First, Charles might be called the Royal  Property Manager, since he  owns a lot of rental property in Cornwall.  In addition,  he’s in charge of numerous castles and their various artifacts and treasures.

However, he’s also involved in Public Relations.  Right now, he’s making official visits to places like Germany and France.  He can’t negotiate any agreements, so it’s not quite clear what the point of these tours are, except to promote goodwill between the different countries.

Probably the most important role he plays is in Sales.  The pomp and pageantry of  royalty draws millions of tourists a year from all over the world, which greatly enhances the profitability of hotels, restaurants, tour guides, and whoever else feeds upon tourism.

Putting those three  areas  together (real estate.  public relations, sales), I think I would settle on the title of  Royal  Marketing Manger rather than King of England.  And luckily for Charles, he didn’t have to interview for the job