Tag: holiday blues

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BABY OF THE FAMILY BLUES

The holiday season is a time when birth order can be problematic.  Especially if you’re like me—the baby of the family.  All families have a baby, unless there’s just one child.  So there are zillions of us out there.  When you’re a baby of the family,  it sometimes seems like the older kids receive more thoughtful gifts from Santa.   They are more experienced  at wheedling their parents into getting them what they desire.    There are other downsides to being the baby, but one of the worst is when your  siblings have all passed away and you’re the only one left with the baby of the family blues.

BABY OF THE FAMILY BLUES sometimes surface at Christmas
BABY OF THE FAMILY BLUES. The youngest child sometimes feels overshadowed by her older siblings.

I really didn’t appreciate my place in the family when I was growing up.    After all, I had two older sisters,  which meant most of my clothing was on the third round.  (That was in the post depression years, and my father had health problems.)  It wasn’t until I was old enough to baby sit that I could pay for my own new clothes.   I didn’t hold it against anyone, because I knew money was tight in our family of three girls and a boy—but I didn’t like it much, either.

Later on, I nurtured a few more grudges, like remembering  the time I was  accidentally left behind after a picnic in the park.  They were back in a few minutes, but it felt like everyone sorta forgot about me sometimes.

Another annoying thing was being called by my oldest sister’s first name.   And when I moved back to town at the age of 36, I was shocked to find that people were still doing it.  It  happens to this day, even though my sister is long gone.   My identity, so carefully nurtured, once again was swallowed up by my  sister, who had lived in the same town her entire life.

After college, I moved away.  Took a job in Chicago, later moved to Florida.  Then I started missing my older siblings.  and cried when their visits came to an end. And when my first marriage went bad, and I had three little children to take care of, they opened their arms to me when I moved back home.  That’s when I was glad to be the baby of the family.

I suspect Meghan and Harry have a touch of Baby of the Family Blues.  Meghan, especially.  Not only was she her mother’s only child , she was the half-sister baby in her father’s first family.

The baby may feel like an outsider, because the older kids seem to get more of their parent’s attention and respect.   I can  understand why Harry refers to himself as the Spare.  I remember exactly how that feels.  The baby of the family blues never really go away.

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HOLIDAY JITTERS & POST HOLIDAY RELIEF

Most people dread the holidays to a certain extent—some more than others.  Anyone who’s grown up in a dysfunctional family, endured a bad marriage, or experienced some holiday tragedy is apt to feel apprehensive when Thanksgiving draws near.  If you’re one of those people, here’s the good news:   If, by some miracle, you made it through last weekend with no major glitches or mishaps, things turned out far better than expected.    Hooray, you survived those holiday jitters & are now feeling  post-holiday relief. 

Of course, a few things went wrong.  The weather was awful.  You got stuck in the snow.  No one ate the sweet potatoes. The rolls got a little burned.   Some of the kids were  whiny.  Someone strained their back.

But:   There was plenty of delicious food to eat, and the turkey was done on time.   Everyone was in good health.  No one got really sick (maybe an upset tummy or two from too much pie.) , or ended up in the ER.  There were surges of  pure joy upon seeing the faces of beautiful grandchildren and reuniting with far away loved ones.  Everyone got along really well and enjoyed being together.  The whole family seemed to bond.

All in all, there was much to be thankful for.  You will never erase the bad memories of unhappy holidays long ago.  But if you accentuate the positive, and eliminate the negative, you will make it through the New Year.

Holiday jitters may precede holiday relief
You may dread Thanksgiving because of sad holidays in the past.

Now that the first holiday of the season is over,  you may feel exhausted.  It’s going to be a long Monday if you have to go back to work.  But if anyone asks  whether you had a good Thanksgiving, you can  smile and say, ” yes, I did.”

If you feel the pre-holiday jitters coming on again, just remember that song made famous by crooner Bing Crosby:

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

 Happy Holidays to All!

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HOW TO AVOID HOLIDAY REGRETS

Everyone looks forward to the holiday season.  But when it’s over we may feel a post season slump.  Things didn’t go as well as expected, and it’s partly our own fault.  Here’s how to avoid holiday regrets:

Do you control your appetite or does it control you?  The holidays start on Thanksgiving and don’t end until Jan 2.  Now is the time for some preventive maintenance.  Start downsizing your body before the holidays even begin. This gives you some leeway if you eat too much pecan pie and stuffing.

One way to control your weight is to ignore those first signs of hunger. Don’t head for the frig as soon as you feel your stomach gnawing or growling.  Drink a glass of water.   Do some exercises–anything to get your mind on something else. And on the big day, try to avoid second servings.

Here are five ways to avoid holiday regrets.
TOO MUCH ALCOHOL CAN TRIGGER FAMILY FEUDS AT HOLIDAY GATHERINGS.

Alcohol and  relatives don’t  always mix.  Not everyone likes their in laws.  If you’re a never Trumper, someone in the family probably likes him.  Family gatherings are fertile grounds for disagreements over just about anything. The choice of restaurant, a loan that wasn’t paid back, grandpa’s will.  The list goes on and on.  You try to bite your tongue most of the time, but an extra glass of wine or a double scotch is apt to loosen it. .  And before you know it, you’ve said something nasty  and you can’t take it back. Know your limits.  Don’t let too much alcohol ruin family harmony and leave you feeling ashamed of yourself.

It’s fine to give expensive presents if you can afford them.  But don’t overspend. Who wants to be paying off Christmas bills at Easter time?

Don’t feel you must go home for Christmas. Ice and snow usually create hazardous conditions at least once during the season.  No family wants to get a call that their loved ones have been in an accident. You can always celebrate a few days later when the roads have cleared.

Stay home if you’re sick.  Don’ t push yourself  to attend social gatherings or go to work.  If you feel  you’re coming down with something, you’re probably contagious.  A bad virus infection can turn into pneumonia if you don’t stay in bed until you’re well.    For your own sake, and the wellness of others,  take care of yourself until you’re feeling healthy again.

Here’s hoping your holidays are full of happy memories, and no regrets!

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FOR SOME, TIS NOT THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY

For the average happy, healthy person,  Christmas is the best time of the year.  But for those who’ve hit a rough patch in life, it’s not so great.  If you’re going through a  divorce, illness, job loss, or  a myriad of other personal crises ,  the holidays only increase the feelings of isolation.  For some,  tis not the season  to be Jolly.

Each individual man, woman, or child deals with sadness in their own way.   Some pray, or seek counseling. Others turn to mind altering substances like drugs and alcohol.  I am not qualified  to offer any expert advice to those unfortunate individuals who are feeling holiday blues.

It's worse to be sad when everyone else is happy
The holidays can be a sad time for those who are experiencing a personal crisis

But common sense tells us there are ways to  cheer and comfort anyone going through a bad time.    Often, the person doesn’t want to share their feelings.  They may put  on a happy face as though they are perfectly alright.  if we’re close enough to our co-workers, family or friends,  we know who is  suffering silently.  But the last thing they want is pity.

If we go overboard with our feelings of sympathy by doing something extravagant, they will be embarrassed.  Best do little things, like asking them to meet for lunch or go to a movie.  Maybe  a text to share a photo, or a phone call to say you’re thinking of them.  .Sometimes, just going out of your way to smile and say hello could give them a lift.    If they open up ,  listen to what they’re saying, but do not offer advice unless they ask for it.  And if they dwell on negative feelings,, say  something positive,   tell a  funny story,  or share a little joke.

 Don’t try to fix things.  You can’t cure cancer, save a failing marriage, or bring back a lost loved one.  But if they  feel that you really care,  you can cheer up a sad person  and help them  weather their own, private storm  during the holidays.

Happy holidays,