Tag: baby of the family

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BABY OF THE FAMILY BLUES

The holiday season is a time when birth order can be problematic.  Especially if you’re like me—the baby of the family.  All families have a baby, unless there’s just one child.  So there are zillions of us out there.  When you’re a baby of the family,  it sometimes seems like the older kids receive more thoughtful gifts from Santa.   They are more experienced  at wheedling their parents into getting them what they desire.    There are other downsides to being the baby, but one of the worst is when your  siblings have all passed away and you’re the only one left with the baby of the family blues.

BABY OF THE FAMILY BLUES sometimes surface at Christmas
BABY OF THE FAMILY BLUES. The youngest child sometimes feels overshadowed by her older siblings.

I really didn’t appreciate my place in the family when I was growing up.    After all, I had two older sisters,  which meant most of my clothing was on the third round.  (That was in the post depression years, and my father had health problems.)  It wasn’t until I was old enough to baby sit that I could pay for my own new clothes.   I didn’t hold it against anyone, because I knew money was tight in our family of three girls and a boy—but I didn’t like it much, either.

Later on, I nurtured a few more grudges, like remembering  the time I was  accidentally left behind after a picnic in the park.  They were back in a few minutes, but it felt like everyone sorta forgot about me sometimes.

Another annoying thing was being called by my oldest sister’s first name.   And when I moved back to town at the age of 36, I was shocked to find that people were still doing it.  It  happens to this day, even though my sister is long gone.   My identity, so carefully nurtured, once again was swallowed up by my  sister, who had lived in the same town her entire life.

After college, I moved away.  Took a job in Chicago, later moved to Florida.  Then I started missing my older siblings.  and cried when their visits came to an end. And when my first marriage went bad, and I had three little children to take care of, they opened their arms to me when I moved back home.  That’s when I was glad to be the baby of the family.

I suspect Meghan and Harry have a touch of Baby of the Family Blues.  Meghan, especially.  Not only was she her mother’s only child , she was the half-sister baby in her father’s first family.

The baby may feel like an outsider, because the older kids seem to get more of their parent’s attention and respect.   I can  understand why Harry refers to himself as the Spare.  I remember exactly how that feels.  The baby of the family blues never really go away.

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DOWNSIDE of being BABY of the FAMILY

If you were not the baby of your family, you probably envied the sibling who was.  You thought they got all the attention, were pampered, and spoiled. As the baby of four siblings, I have to disagree.  Here’s the downside of being Baby of the Family:

My older siblings, consisting of a pair of twins and the eldest—were 4 to 5 years older than I was.  This meant that during family meals, I  sat  in a high chair or booster, listening to them conversing among themselves , while I was merely a silent observer.  Do you think this changed when I was an adult?  Absolutely not.  Even when all of us had spouses, they talked politics and money over my head, while my opinion wasn’t even asked for.  I never complained about this to anyone, because I was so accustomed to that left-out feeling.

In the nineteen forties, most people sent and received volumes of printed Christmas Cards.  I remember when I could first read, and the surprise at  seeing my name included in the names of my parents  children.  Wow, I thought, I really am a part of this family.

While older siblings may think the baby of the family is spoiled, it doesn't always feel that way
THE BABY OF THE FAMILY OFTEN FEELS LEFT OUT

Then, there was the hand-me-down issue.  That was the day of hand knit sweaters.  After years of wear and washing, they were typically matted and shrunk, but they fit, and if I wanted to stay warm in the winter, there was no alternative.  Other hand me downs included faded dresses, and coats with frayed sleeves and mismatched buttons.  Easter and Christmas were the exceptions.  My mother always sewed new outfits for those occasions.  So I really looked forward to going to church on holidays, in my brand new clothes.

Did I consciously resent wearing mostly hand me downs?  Actually, I never thought about it and I don’t recall feel sorry for myself.  After all, money was scarce, and wearable clothes had to be salvaged.  It was only years  later that  I realized hand me downs made me feel less valued than my older siblings.

The baby of the family is usually sheltered from any bad news.  When my Dad lost his job, I wasn’t told about it.  And yet, I sensed there was something wrong.  Other family mishaps were kept from me, even after I had  left home.  Only when the crisis was resolved did they tell me what had happened.  This was meant to be kindly, but it left me feeling useless.  If I couldn’t help my family through trouble, what good was I?

The past ten years have made me realize the saddest thing of all about being the baby of the family.  My parents and siblings have all passed away, and I am the only one left.  Yes, I have my children, but there’s no relationship so close as that between brothers and sisters who share the same DNA.  Right now, I would give anything to go back to that moment in time when I was sitting at  the family dinner table, mutely listening while the conversation swirled around me.