Most women over 40 have a few lumps and bulges—especially if they’ve had kids.  Years ago, we wore girdles and other miserable contraptions under tight fitting dresses.  Still, there were gaps.  You might have a bulge  above the waist, or below the panty line. Then came the  body changing invention of Spanx.     On Oscar night last Sunday, most women’s apparel depended on what they were trying to flaunt or hide.  If you didn’t need  Spanx, you could bare your flesh and prance around half naked.  Otherwise, you had to suck it up and squeeze yourself  into one of those miserable body condoms. Spanx  & Skin ruled the Oscars.

About Spanx.  I have a couple of their products at the bottom of my underwear  drawer.   I should have thrown them out, because I could only endure their torture once or twice.  But they were pricey.  I keep thinking some day I’ll get my money’s worth.  The first time I bought a Spanx, the salesclerk urged me to get a size too small. Something that fit comfortably wouldn’t do the job. And so, I yanked and tugged until I finally had my torso completely encased like a stuffed sausage..

Those first Spanx only had a slit of an opening.  They hadn’t thought about anyone using the bathroom.  Most of us cut a big hole, which meant the Spanx didn’t fit the way it should.  The designers finally fixed that problem, but it’s still not fun to wear Spanx.  It’s hard to smile when your guts are jammed against your backbone. But if you were  attending the Oscars,  you really didn’t have a choice.  Did you notice the smooth silhouettes in those  tight fitting designer dresses? You didn’t see a single bulging tummy—not a lump anywhere.

The few women with bodies beyond hope were smart enough to wear loose, flowing dresses or tops that camouflaged those extra  pounds of flesh. They probably had the best time of anyone. Whether she won an Oscar or not, I’m willing to bet every woman wearing Spanx ripped off her clothes as soon as she got home.