MISERY HATES HAPPINESS

If there’s anything that makes us mad, it’s when someone who treated us bad gets to be happy. It doesn’t matter whether they were right or wrong, or if it’s all in our minds. We simply don’t think they deserve to be happy, especially if we aren’t. Often, the person we hate appears to be happier than they really are. That doesn’t help. If they give the outward appearance of being happy, it’s galling. Misery hates happiness.

The tell- all book about Donald Trump by his niece, Mary Trump, is a case in point. She and her brother think they were messed over by their aunt and uncles. It was all about money. Mary thought they should have inherited more than the senior Trumps’ other grandchildren. She and her brother have been nursing a 20 year grudge, and she was sick and tired of seeing Donald Trump happy. So she decided—in her words—to “take him down.” She wants him to be as unhappy as she , apparently is. Although , she’s probably feeling a little bit happier with the royalties from a #1 best selling book.

Another case of misery hating happiness may occur when two people get a divorce. If one person remarries and is happy, the other one feels resentful if they haven’t moved on successfully.

There are numerous ways that one person’s joy may cause another’s misery. A woman who can’t get pregnant resents her friend with children. A co-worker gets a promotion that we feel should have been ours. It goes back to the beginning of recorded history.

What should you do if you realize that your happiness is making someone miserable? Obviously, avoid bragging. But some things can’t be fixed. You can’t stop being happy . And if you’re the miserable one, get over it. As the saying goes, get a life. Do something different. Go someplace new. Start a gratitude list. If it’s really that bad, see a therapist. Or, if the person you hate is the president of the United States, you could write a book about him, and get back some of that money you thought you deserved

July 13, 2020July 13, 2020

CATHOLIC CHURCH’S DOUBLE STANDARD

Most Hoosiers know about the lawsuits against a Catholic high school in Indianapolis. The plaintiffs are a couple of lesbian faculty members who were fired for being in same sex marriages. On the other hand, Notre Dame has recently hired openly gay Pete Buttigieg as a teacher and researcher. Does that make sense? What do you make of the Catholic Church’s incomprehensible double standard?

Even though it’s been decades since I’ve been a practicing Catholic, I know where they are coming from. While attending parochial schools for the first twelve years of my life, we were admonished to avoid “sins of the flesh.” As an example, entertaining even one ” impure thought” was considered a mortal sin. Which would send you straight to hell. Is there a single teenager in this world who has never thought about sex? I could critique at length their stance on sexuality, but it would take up far more space than is possible in a simple blog. Nevertheless, if you choose Catholicism as your religion, you have a right to practice as you see fit. And that includes sending your kid to a high school where lay teachers provide the desired example: straight, married sex. Nothing else.

Catholic Church"s double standard is incomprehensible. — Catholic Church’s Double Standard. They’ve hired a gay man at one school, while firing two lesbians at another.

Do I agree with their dogma? Of course not. Just as I don’t agree with the Amish who refuse to accept modern lifestyles and choose to live in the past. But I respect their right to raise their children according to their religious beliefs. Why, would a gay person want to work in one of their schools? It boggles the mind. Pete Buttigieg could probably have landed a job at any Ivy League College. Why did he choose to work at Notre Dame? Maybe he’s making a statement. Or he’s still paying off a mortgage in South Bend. I dunno.

The argument is that since parochial schools receive some taxpayer money, they can’t discriminate on the basis of their religious beliefs. But the fact is, they aren’t totally supported by tax dollars. And if all the parochial schools were to close, the public school system would be overwhelmed by the cost of educating these new students.

Back to double standards. Here’s what it looks like from my admittedly biased viewpoint. If you are a lesbian woman, you can’t work in a Catholic high school. If you are a prominent gay male politician, you can get a job at a prestigious Catholic college. Period. That’s all there is to the Catholic Church’s incomprehensible Double Standard.

July 10, 2020July 10, 2020

LIFE NEAR AMERICA’S DEATH ROW

Next week, three federal death row inmates will be executed in my city. There haven’t been any executions since 2003, so this is apt to bring a lot of reporters and protesters here. Because of covid-19, we’d just as soon they wouldn’t invade our town. It’s come as kind of a shock. Most of us weren’t aware that these notorious criminals had been living nearby for so many years. Do you wonder about life near America’s death row? What is it like to live so close to America’s only federal execution facility?

First and foremost, the United States Federal Prison Complex has been seen as a great source of stable employment in a town that’s weathered many economic ups and downs. It opened here in 1940, when we were just coming out of the great depression. They had an open house, and our family went through the facility. The father of one of my grade school playmates came here as a guard. They were Irish, with a family of eight children, and came from New York City. One of the sons later became a Hollywood screenwriter. The prison employs about 700 people from every educational background. If you’ve lived here a long time, you probably knew at least one or two people who worked at the prison.

Working for the feds has a lot of perks, including great benefits and pensions. They also have a beautiful venue that employees may use for special occasions. Over the years, I’ve probably been to parties at the prison at least ten times. Weddings. Graduations. Baby Showers. Birthday parties. And yet, as far as I know, I never saw an inmate.

I once knew a dietitian who worked there as a part time consultant. Her pay was outstanding. I think she made about triple the going rate for dietitians in the area. But after awhile, she had to quit. She never discussed her work days or any of her patients(prisoners). Obviously, privacy laws were in place. All she said was this: ” I got so I couldn’t stand those gates closing behind me, one after another, as I went into work. It was giving me nightmares. “

The three men who will die next week in the United States Penitentiary by lethal injection are all white:

Wesley Ira Purkey, who raped and murdered a 16 year old girl in Kansas and killed an 80 year old woman.

Dustin Lee Honken of Iowa, who killed five people, including 2 children.

Danny Lee of Arkansas, convicted of killing a family of three.

Scheduled to be executed in August:

Keith Dywane Nelson, who kidnapped a 10 year old girl in front her Kansas home, raped and strangled her in a forest.

Life around America's Death Row. living near the boston bomber and Charleston church killer — Life Around America’s Death Row: Left: Dzhokhar Tsarenaev; Right, Dylann Roof

Other death row prisoners at this men’s prison include: Dzhokbar Tasaraev, convicted for his part in the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing. Dylann Roof, who shot and killed nine parishioners at a church in Charleston, SC. In 2015. They’ve been there for several years, now. You wonder what they talk about.

60% of Americans are in favor of the death penalty. Others, like the Sisters of Providence oppose it, and will stage a protest. I guess I’d be against something like a beheading, hanging, or crucifixion. But lethal injection sounds tolerable. And if someone in my family were one of their victims, I think it would seem right and just.

July 8, 2020July 8, 2020

A SURREAL VISIT TO THE DOCTOR

Like most everyone else, we postponed our routine exams . We were supposed to have our eyes checked in March, when it’s nice and cool. Then came the covid-19 pandemic, and we kept moving our appointments , and finally put them off until July. At first, it was kind of fun driving to Indy. We hadn’t been on a trip since Thanksgiving, and it was good to get a change of scenery. But when we finally landed in the clinic’s hot parking lot and entered the building, we were in the Twilight Zone*. It was a surreal visit to the doctor.

Only in a science fiction movie, would you be greeted in the lobby by a masked woman. If I had imagined such a scene where we must have our temperatures taken. I would have thought I was in a fantasy world. We, too, were masked. And cautiously allowed to enter the inner sanctum and proceed to the admissions desk.

Inside, all was quiet. Only half the front desks were staffed so that everyone sat far apart. The masked clerks swiped our insurance cards with gloved hands. Instead of signing the usual privacy forms, they presented a plastic coated one to read. We signed it electronically.

There were few patients but all were masked. There was nothing to read while we waited. No books, newspapers or magazines. Unfortunately, I had left my cell phone in the car, but the other patients had remembered theirs , and studied them with apparent fascination. After the long drive, I needed coffee, but there wasn’t any. Nor was there water to drink. Or cookies to nibble. Thankfully, the restroom wasn’t locked.

I observed the masked personnel gliding quietly back and forth in the waiting area. Some of them looked at me with smiling eyes. Remember that song, “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling?” It had a new meaning for me yesterday. A masked person with eyes that turn up and form little crinkles at the corners is actually smiling at you. And it feels pretty good when you’re sitting all by yourself in a nearly empty waiting room.

A doctor visit is surreal when you enter the twilight zone. — A surreal visit to the doctor. When you go for a checkup, you will enter the twilight zone.

While being examined by technicians and the doctor, all equipment was immediately sanitized before use. You had to wait while it dried. There could not have been a single germ floating in the air. As we checked out and made new appointments , we had to wonder. Will we have survived the pandemic by this time next year? And , once again, will we enter the twilight zone while on another surreal trip to the doctor?

* Twilight zone is the mental state between reality and fantasy.

July 6, 2020July 6, 2020

DID HE, SHE, OR IT EAT MY FLOWERS?

Everyone loves squirrels. They’re so fluffy and cute as they scurry across the grass, up and down trees. But here’s the dirty little secret about squirrels. They’re actually rodents. That’s right. And they have sharp teeth. Some experts swear that squirrels don’t like geraniums, but the Farmer’s Almanac disagrees. Something or someone ate an entire pot of geraniums out on the sidewalk last night, and I believe I know who did it. Or what did it. The dictionary says animals should be referred to as “it”, unless we know them personally. So, my question is, Did he, she or it eat my flowers?

Other animals are known to eat flowers. Deer are fond of geraniums. But we don’t see many deer around the neighborhood lately. We used to see more of them, but they got to be pests and caused a lot of traffic accidents. So someone organized “deer hunts.” to rid the state of their rambunctious behavior.

Squirrels do love geraniums. Did he, she or it eat my flowers? — Did he, she or it eat my flowers? Farmers Almanac says that squirrels love geraniums.

Rabbits love geraniums, too. My lawn man tells me there are rabbits living under a spruce tree in our front yard. But we haven’t seen them for months, so I’m not sure if they’re still there. I don’t think rabbits would have been so vicious. This heinous creature didn’t just nibble the flowers. He, she, or it dug the plant up by its roots, and left nothing but a nub.

Squirrels can also eat your house. They’ve gnawed away at the base of the wooden r pillars on our side porch, and even chewed up the indoor outdoor carpeting.

We’ve tried various remedies to discourage the squirrels. Last year, I bought some peppermint spray. Supposedly, the critters hate the smell. The only problem is, every time it rains, you have to spray all over again. And it didn’t really keep them away.

I finally found a squirrel repellent on Amazon which seemed to work pretty well. It’s a box of granules or pellets to sprinkle in the affected area . It stinks like the devil and makes a mess of your porch. Which isn’t very enticing to visitors. But it did keep them off the porch. So what did they do to get even? He, she, or it ate our geraniums.

July 3, 2020July 3, 2020

HERE’S TO GOOD DADS ON 4TH OF JULY

Once upon a time, most families were lucky if they owned one car. Many didn’t. Therefore, many people didn’t get to watch the fireworks, because no one owned a television. If you were lucky, your Dad might drive you out to the stadium to watch the fireworks. So, here’s to all the good Dads on the 4th of July who took their kids to see the show.

Moms were mostly stay-at-home, and by evening, they were washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen after the day’s picnic of fried chicken (no KFC then) potato salad, deviled eggs and chocolate cake. And no air conditioning. So it was up to Dad to load the kids in the car to see the fireworks, which were sponsored by the American Legion out at the stadium

Across the street lived a widow who didn’t own a car, so we always made a place for her daughter in ours, even though it meant doubling up, and sitting on each other’s laps in the back of the old Chevie . (no seat belts in those days). We might get to the stadium right before sunset, and wait impatiently for darkness to descend. And then, wonder of wonders, that first brilliant explosion of fireworks. Breathlessly , we clapped and cheered as the rockets went off, and one after another colorful displays lit up the sky.

THANKS TO THE GOOD DADS ON THE 4TH OF JULY — Kids always will remember the special times at the fireworks. Here’s to all the good dads on 4th of July.

Dad loved the fireworks, too, but I think what he liked most was watching all the happy, awestruck children, and knowing that he had made this night possible by taking the time to drive us there. When we got back home, way past our normal bedtime, my mother would have taken off her apron and fallen asleep on the couch, waiting to hear about what we’d seen. We might have another piece of chocolate cake and a glass of milk before we finally went to bed and dreamed of fireworks.

Thanks to my beloved Daddy, (long gone) , for those wonderful memories. Here to all the good dads who take their kids to see the fireworks on Independence Day.

July 1, 2020July 1, 2020

WHY DO PEOPLE SHOOT FIRECRACKERS?

We’ve been hearing fireworks every night for a couple of weeks in our neighborhood. I’ve never shot firecrackers from home, but fireworks like sparklers were another story. My children loved them, but we were always careful to supervise their use. Actually, I still enjoy the sound of firecrackers . They seem fun and exciting. Especially during this dull dreary time of the coronavirus pandemic. But it makes you wonder. Why do people shoot firecrackers?

Fireworks are also explosives, and can be dangerous. According to Kansas State University psychology professor Mary Cain, this adds to their appeal. “Engaging in risky behaviors is very reinforcing for people,” she said. “For some, it can cause the release of a chemical in the brain that makes people feel good.” She goes on to explain that such people are “high sensation seekers.” They love things like roller coasters and sky diving.

I don’t like either one of those activities. Therefore, I don’t qualify as a risk taker. But I love the sound of firecrackers, even if they wake me up at night. They’re like a celebration of life. I picture the person behind them as exuberant and cheerful. I don’t personally know anyone shooting firecrackers. And I probably wouldn’t enjoy having them as next door neighbors. However, one of the reasons firecrackers are appealing is their novelty. They make the holidays seem more festive.

On the other hand, people have valid reasons for disliking fireworks in the neighborhood. They may scare small children, or wake babies up from their naps. Some dogs and cats are afraid of fireworks—it can send them into a frenzy. More importantly, veterans with post traumatic stress disorder may find them traumatic. The same may be true of retired law enforcement officers. And what about people with jobs? They may not be able to get back to sleep if you awaken them in the middle of the night.

Many states ban the use of personal fireworks. Other states are ambivalent, and attempt to regulate their use. But one thing is clear. Whether you love or hate them, firecrackers are here to stay.

Happy 4th of July!