TWO NAMES YOU SHOULD NEVER CALL A WOMAN

A female who is interacting with colleagues, salesmen, store clerks and other strangers is addressed in different ways as she navigates through life. A child, of course, will usually be called Honey or Dear. As a young adult, I was often called Hon, Babe Miss, or Gal (shudder). A wedding ring brought a little more respect, especially if there were kids in tow. You found yourself being called Ma’m more often than not.

Now, if you happened to go into the deep south–someplace like Savannah–you might be called Sugar, no matter how old you were.. It was part of their culture, and wasn’t referring to anything but your gender. I always loved it when people called me that. It was pronounced Sugahh, and you knew it was just a gracious way to make you feel warm and welcome.

Then, along about the age of fifty or thereafter, you notice some of the men you interact with have begun to call you Young Lady. I know it was meant to be flattering, but it came across as condescending, and made me cringe. It implied that even though I was post menopausal, I still looked pretty decent for my age.

Would a man of sixty like a woman to call him Young Man? And why wasn’t I called that when I actually was a young lady?

But when you start approaching eighty, it gets worse; now they call you Sweetie or Sweetheart, as if they are patting a little old lady on the head. I do not appreciate hairdressers, waitresses, salesclerks and other strangers using such terms of endearment. I am not anyone’s sweetheart but my husband’s. I know they mean well, but I just wish they knew that a simple, respectful Ma’m would do..

March 13, 2018

JAR LIDS, BOTTLE CAPS, AND PLASTIC CASES

It tough enough for seniors to deal with childproof lids on medications, but it’s almost as bad trying to get a cartridge of computer ink out of it’s plastic case. I’ve been digging at a pack with a scissors now for about 10 minutes, and still haven’t gotten the doggone thing to open up.

Another pet peeve is toilet bowl cleaner. Ugh, that’s nasty stuff, but we all have to keep it on hand.
Of course, the manufacturers have to be extra careful because it’s not only toxic, it can burn your skin. You sure don’t want a kid getting even near it. So of course, getting the cap open is an exercise in frustration. You twist and turn it this way and that. Then you pound it and squeeze it. Just as you’re about to go back to the #DollarStore and ask the clerk to open it, you finally hit the sweet spot. Voila, it’s open!

My husband has a cousin who lives in LA. Last week, she had to walk to the supermarket to find someone who could open a pickle jar. I know, they sell those rubber things that are supposed to help you get a grip, but they don’t really do the job. Maybe they should have a senior friendly section in the supermarket with easy to open products.

March 12, 2018

FASCINATING OBITUARIES

Have you written yours yet? A few years ago, I realized I had begun to read every obituary in both the #IndianapolisStar and our local paper. Many days, they are the most interesting thing to read, especially if you’re fed up with political news.

Some obits are long and extremely detailed, which leads me to believe the deceased may have had a hand in it. Who else would remember every single award a person ever won, all the countries visited on their many trips, every job they’ve held, and all of their hobbies? Still, I enjoy all the details, but then I’ve always loved #autobiographies.

The published names are also interesting. Women often list three or four last names, beginning with their maiden name, then on to the surname of each husband. Some people who’ve been married more than once start by naming their first husband from whom they were divorced and had x number of children with. Then, they go on to name subsequent spouses and progeny. Inevitably, these detailed obits also describe the person’s social life, club memberships, achievements not only of themselves , but their children.

Many spiritual people confidently state that the dead person has been received into the arms of their “Lord & Savior.” I always admire that kind of faith.

Finally, will they have a conventional church funeral or a heathen #memorial service at cocktail hour? Some have both, but it’s usually one or the other. Many opt for nothing at all as it is stated, ” at Jack’s request, there will be no services.”

So, the next time you think there’s nothing of interest in the newspaper, head for the obituaries!

March 11, 2018

LIVING PAST YOUR EXPIRATION DATE

Did you ever think your would live to #eighty? As a teenager, and even as I approached #retirement, I never considered the idea that I might reach that milestone, and be living with a husband who is 4 years older than me. Now, that’s really old!

The day a child is born, actuaries in the insurance business give him or her an #expiration date. Currently, babies born now are expected to live until 80.

So what about those of us who were born before 1937? If born in the years before that, you were expected to leave this world at 65. So, we #octogenarians are living past our expiration date; 50% of our birth year buddies have already left us.

You have to be blessed with fairly good health to get this far. And yet, you realize it can’t go on forever. When you catch the flu and run a fever, you wonder if it will turn into pneumonia. Ten years ago, if I came down with a virus, I felt confident that if I slurped chicken soup and waited for the fever to break, I would soon be well. Now, the same symptoms bring on a tinge or worry that I might not make it this time. Is that pain in my chest indigestion or a heart attack? Should I call the doctor or wait a few days to see what happens? But when all’s said and done, you figure you’ve had a pretty good run, and so what? Just don’t buy green bananas.